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Thursday, October 20, 2011
'Life Lessons from the Basketball Court!' - #7. 'Learn to Balance Your Strengths and Weaknesses!' - ContinuedWelcome back on a sunny, rainy, cool Thursday in the Adirondack
mountains of up-state New York. As always, I hope your work-week is progressing well and that you are consistently remembering to
stay focused on those 'VITAL FEW' tasks that need accomplishing! As I shared when I began
this series, the idea for 'Life Lessons from the Basketball Court'!' was
generated by a conversation I had with one of my best friends when I asked for their opinion of what 'topic' I should write
about next. When they brought up this thought I knew immediately it was the direction I was going to proceed. The
first 'Life Lesson' we began exploring was:
#1. - 'The Power of a Team'
As we introduced this first 'Life Lesson' we explored the three attributes that I think
compose any effective team. Those elements were:
* - Trust
* - Respect and
* - Commitment to a common goal.
On Tuesday I introduced the second 'Life Lesson from
the Basketball Court' which I entitled:
#2. - 'Learn to Balance Your Strengths and Weaknesses!'
As we began our exploration of this lesson I began by highlighting the first three words of this lesson: 'Learn to Balance' and once again we turned to Webster for some definitions.....
'Learn' was...... - To acquire knowledge of or a skill in by study, instruction or experience. * - To become informed
of or acquainted with; to ascertain
'Balance'
was....... A state of equilibrium or something that
brings about such a state. * - Harmony in the parts of a whole * - The power to influence or control
As I concluded Tuesday's thoughts I ask you to think about and answer the following questions:
* List some of your true strengths?
* When people acknowledge your stronger areas how do you feel?
* List some of your weaker areas? (Go ahead and list
them......I promise not to look or write about them!)
* When one of these areas is uncovered at home or at work by someone
else; how do you feel? (Honestly, how do you feel?)
* What about admitting this area makes you so afraid? What are
you truly afraid of? (Could it be the opinions of others?)
* What caused you to set up this defense mechanism? (Be
honest and answer it....why?)
* Why do you still use the mechanism?
* When one of these 'weak areas or areas of
improvement' surface: How much time and energy do you spend trying to either, divert the attention away, hide this
area or in some way diminish it? (Again, be honest......resist the temptation to put on your poser or faker
costume!)
So I would be remiss if I didn't ask.....Did you do it? Did you? What did you come up with?
Now I again realize and know that this process is a difficult one for any of us. I also realize that coming to grips with
our 'weaker' areas of life is not something that is easy to accept and face. We are taught or learn to hide these areas as
much as possible which is a skill many of us have mastered over the years. Here is the point I'm trying to make. To be successful
in our personal or professional lives we must be able to leverage our strengths but I feel also be up front with our weaknesses.
Today I would like to focus on 'our weaknesses' and talk about what we can do about them instead of hiding our
heads in the sand and denying they even exist. As we approach this subject the first thing and most important for any of us
to realize is this: WE ALL HAVE WEAKNESSES!!!!! PERIOD!!!!!!No matter
who you look at or admire from friends, to fellow work team members to family members.......each one of them has glaring and
profound weaknesses. The challenge for us when we are around these people is two-fold: One, many times we don't see these
weak areas because they aren't called upon to use them or they hide them very well. Number two, the reason we worry about
our weaknesses or even notice them is often because we compare ourselves to these other people. What we have to realize is
that although these people might have a great strength in an area where we are not as strong doesn't preclude that they don't
have weaknesses.....it just means that this one area is not weak.
I think in today's world it seems we need/want
to hide so many pieces of our lives and we do so to 'seemingly' look or appear better in someone else's eyes. I also realize
that our behavior and need for 'hiding' these areas is a life-long learned process. Ever since we were small and able
to try new and different things we learned very quickly how 'painful' it was when we couldn't do something and other people
could. The taunts and teasing that we all face growing up when we were not as proficient as someone else in a particular
area were painful to say the least; it is during these times that we learn to 'hide' these areas as a way of self-preservation.
What is unique and funny about these tendencies though is that they don't stop as we exit youth and enter the adult working
world. If anything, we become more adept at hiding these areas and in some ways I understand why because the 'teasing and
bullying' we experience as an adult in the working world is many times greater and equally or more painful as it was
when we were a child.
Now stay with me here and let me give you a quick example of one of the ways we hide ourselves
today. All, you have to do is watch the political process, the presidential debates or any give and take dialogue to see this
in action. Watch one person share a comment about the other person and then watch the response......the name calling, brow-beating
and blaming of one another is amazing. It seems the only response many of these people can muster is to find someone in the
other person's camp who has done a similar thing. I think these people think that if I can just divert enough attention away
from me I will skirt the question and not have to reveal that I don't know or whatever else I'm trying to hide. Now this type
of behavior isn't confined to politics alone and for those of you in the working world you see and experience these same behaviors
every day of your working life.
Now what do we do with the above 'obvious' information..........well, a couple
things come to mind. When we have a noticable weak area in our personal or professional lives we need to do certain things;
first off we need to do our best to try the following to help us deal with these areas:
*
- Try and learn more about this particular item and do your best to improve; read about it, practice it, get a coach
or someone to help you but do your best to learn and improve. Keep trying and maybe you just might break through.
* - If all your efforts have continuously missed the mark and reality tells you that you will never reach a certain level
then try and have someone you work with or interact with take up the slack in this area. Who knows, maybe you'll be able to
use one of your strengths to help them while they use their strength to help you!
* - If there is no one that can
help you then you either need to find a suitable workaround solution-wise or change direction into an area that better uses
your skills. Many people flounder in certain businesses and relationships all because they are what I call 'mis-cast' and
should NOT be in this particular field/relationship in the first place. Take this same person and put them in a field that
matches their gifts and talents and watch them flourish. The challenge is many times we try to force our 'ROUND LIFE' into
a 'SQUARE HOLE' and that never works well. Effective leaders and bosses also know this and that's why they frequently move
their personnel around into areas that use their strengths and abilities more effectively.
* - Lastly, once
we try our best best and begin to learn this skill or at least try to improve it we also need to
understand that baring some miracle, we may never, ever, probably be as good as some other people are in regards to this particular
skill and that my friends is totally OK!
The second thing that comes to mind ties back to our
title for this life lesson: Learn to balance..... All of us need to
learn the artful balance, as a teammate, boss, parent or friend of giving our feedback and critique to others of their their
talents and abilities. (Now I am not saying that we shouldn't be hard on someone who has the ability but is a slacker.) The
point I'm trying to make is that yes we should coach and guide people to improve certain areas of their lives. However, with
that thought in mind we also need to learn to 'BALANCE' our feedback realizing that the level they are performing at or may
get to may be the highest they will ever be able to reach and that level may not be what we want or need. This my friends
is where we need to learn balance and come to grips with being OK with their effort and achievement level.
Learning to approach life with this type of balance is NOT easy at all.
We have all met and know (and probably
really don't like) what I call a 'One UPPER'. No matter what you share or do, they always have one story or example
that is better. What we need to realize when we interact with this type of person is that what they are really trying to hide
is a major insecurity issue. They don't feel truly comfortable being who they are with their strengths and weaknesses. These
people participate in this behavior to 'hide' who they really are....they're afraid to let others in and see the real them,
so they put on a front and act as if they could do no wrong. Think about the opposite of a 'One-Upper': Isn't it fun and marvelous
to be around someone who can honestly admit they are weak in a particular area and that they're comfortable in that state.
It is wonderful sense being around someone who is totally fine with their own areas of weakness. No hiding
it or trying to divert the attention away to another subject.....they truly realize that their life in it's totality will not
be defined by this particular area but more by their life as a whole. They know they have strengths and weaknesses and
they also know that so do you.....and the beauty of this person....they're fine with both! .
I hope you
will realize that there are particular areas in your life too that you will never be as good as someone else. All of
us need to be able to approach people who demonstrate a unique talent or ability that either we don't have or share,
or we have it but not to the extent that they have and be able to just realize and accept it! Learn to celebrate
their successes and strengths.( Now my friends, if you are arrogant enough to think you will be 'AS GOOD' as others in everything
you do or that you can even approach some of their abilities in certain ares then you are truly delusional........good luck
to you......and PS, when you don't reach their level, enjoy doing your hiding or diversion dance......you poser!)
So the point I'm trying to make is two-fold for all of us today: First, as I alluded to above we all need to realize
that everyone has GLARING WEAKNESSES. Just because you can't or don't see it on a daily basis doesn't mean it isn't there.
Number two, we also all need to realize that we all have some areas of our lives where we are BETTER or STRONGER than
those we interact with on a daily basis. We simply need to realize that other people, no matter how diligent they are,
will probably never be 'as good' as we are in some particular area and that is fine. Once you and I realize these
two facts we will be well on way to improving our interpersonal relationships at work and home.
I would like
to conclude today by giving you some questions to ponder over the next several days:
* Are you using your true strengths on a daily basis at work and
at home? Why or why not?
* If you're not: What is preventing you from using these abilities or what would you need to
do or put into place to be able to use these strengths?
* What are some strengths or abilities you admire in someone
else that you don't necessarily have at that same level? (Make a list the people and their abilities....it's fun!)
*
Why not share with them how you appreciate those abilities and celebrate them!
* If you are a boss (or parent) and see
someone struggling in a particular field or position; why not try and figure out if they are 'mis-cast' in this area and point,
or position them in a new direction that would use their skills and abilities more effectively?
* What are some of your
weaker areas?
* What could you do or have you done to improve these areas?
* Where do you need to 'simply rest'
in a certain area and be totally OK with not being the best or nearly as good as someone around you? Why CAN'T you rest and
simply rejoice in their talent?
Once again I hope you will think about these questions
and really wrestle with your answers. Again, have some fun with this and don't be too hard on yourself; realize
that we all make excuses for our weaknesses and from our youth have developed elaborate 'defense' systems to
make us seemingly feel better about ourselves....we all do. As I have said many times over the last few years of writing; one
of the true keys of leadership is to develop the ability to honestly evaluate how we operate (Strengths and weaknesses)
and take the needed action where appropriate. Remember life is not a goal or some destination but a journey to be lived!
On Tuesday we'll explore another 'Life Lesson from the Basketball Court'!' Until then, I hope your work-week concludes on a strong note and that you have a great weekend surrounded
by those you love deeply. Once again, if you have any thoughts you would like to share or questions; please take a moment
and shoot me an email at: Holland@HollandMeads.com . Until next time, thanks again for coming back to join me in 2011; I truly do appreciate you taking the time to
read my thoughts and now, as always remember to keep:
'Dreaming Big and Daring to Fail!'
10:41 am edt
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
'Life Lessons from the Basketball Court!' - #6. 'Learn to Balance Your Strengths and Weaknesses!'Welcome back on a cool fall Tuesday in the Adirondack mountains
of up-state New York. We have now reached the end of fall foliage in our neck of the woods and the last of the leaves
are quickly falling softly to the ground. We have all ready had some snow at the higher elevations and it won't be long until
'old man winter' is upon us with all its force. I hope your work-week is beginning well, your productivity is on the
up-swing and you are remembering to stay focused on those 'VITAL FEW' tasks that need accomplishing!
As I shared when I began this series, the idea for 'Life Lessons
from the Basketball Court'!' was generated by a conversation I had with one of my best friends
when I asked for their opinion of what 'topic' I should write about next. When they brought up this thought I knew immediately it was
the direction I was going to proceed. The first 'Life Lesson' we began exploring
was:
#1. - 'The
Power of a Team'
As we introduced this first 'Life Lesson' we
explored the three attributes that I think compose any effective team. Those elements were:
* - Trust
* - Respect and
* - Commitment to a common goal.
Today, I would like to introduce the second 'Life Lesson from
the Basketball Court' which I've entitled:
#2. - 'Learn to Balance Your Strengths and Weaknesses!'
As we begin the exploration of this lesson I want to set the groundwork for our discussion today by providing
a brief launching point of some ideas for you to ponder. When we look back at our first lesson: 'The Power of a
Team' I want to remind us all of how we defined the attribute of 'RESPECT'. Early on in our discussion we established that
respect is defined as a 'regard for the skills and abilities' of someone else. As I thought
more about that attribute over the last week or so it generated this life lesson we are beginning to examine today.
To begin our discussion I want to ask you this: Initially, what was your first reaction to the title of our second life
lesson? I'll bet it was: 'OK, I know that...what you really mean Holland is to play to my strengths
and minimze my weaknesses right? .....Right?'
Well, to be quite honest, my answer to that question
is 'NO'......that is NOT what I was thinking or how I define this lesson. The reaction I shared above unfortunately is what
I think many of us are taught or learn through trial and error throughout our lifetime. Now please know that I totally
get and understand why this has, and continues to be the battle cry for many. What I would like to do is shine what I
would call; a different light on this topic. I would like to begin today, by simply highlighting the first three
words that are for me, the absolute key and foundation to this whole concept and lesson: 'Learn
to Balance.......'. I truly think and believe that for us to come to grips with the depth of this lesson,
we really have to start by exploring and understanding the significance of these words. To kick us off and begin, let's
once again turn to Webster for some definitions.....
Webster defines 'Learn'
as......
* - To acquire knowledge of or a skill in by study, instruction or experience
* - To become informed of or acquainted with; to ascertain
Webster defines 'Balance'
as.......
* - A state of equilibrium or something that brings about such a state
*
- Harmony in the parts of a whole
* - The power to influence or control
As you ponder these
definitions I hope you start to see, realize and understand the weight and depth of these thoughts. I don't know about you
but I think many people struggle mightliy with living by and practicing these concepts. Sure, it is easy for any of us to
'accept our strengths and minimize our weaknesses', but to somehow learn to consistently
bring a balance to our strengths and weaknesses in our personal and professional lives is very difficult for most
people....Why is that? Why are we so afraid or ashamed of our weaknesses? What has happened in our society that we seem to
not be comfortable enough with ourselves, who we are deep down as a person to admit and accept that we can't do certain things
all that well.
I think it is this unwillingness to embrace this concept that has given birth if you will, to all
the 'posers and fakers' that we seem to encounter in our day-to-day lives. Can we be
real for a minute or two......How many of you know someone personally or professionally that is a 'poser
or a faker'? You know the type, they spend much of their time promoting their strengths and more time than
that trying to hide their weaknesses from everyone around them. If by chance, one of their weak areas starts to emerge these
people immediately begin the diversion (The SPIN, to use today's vernacular) and will go to amazing lengths trying to divert
the attention away from what is plain to see for all those around. Now before some of you get up in arms and start sending
me emails to the contrary I want you to know and understand this thought: I get that admitting or embracing the weak areas
in our lives isn't something that any of us 'relish'. I don't enjoy parading my weaker areas in front of anyone and quite
frankly would much rather divert your attention to one of my stronger areas and have you sing my praises....I get that!.
The challenge is this.......we all have weak areas......all of us....(Yes, you too!) and until we are able to openly
and honestly be OK with that, we always be tempted to 'pose and fake'. To help us grasp what I'm trying to convey I would
like you to think about and answer the following questions:
* List some of your true strengths?
* When people acknowledge your stronger areas how do you feel?
* List some of your weaker areas? (Go ahead and list them......I promise not to look or write about them!)
* When one
of these areas is uncovered at home or at work by someone else; how do you feel? (Honestly, how do you feel?)
* What
about admitting this area makes you so afraid? What are you truly afraid of? (Could it be the opinions of others?)
* What caused you to set up this defense mechanism? (Be honest and answer it....why?)
* Why do you still use the
mechanism?
* When one of these 'weak areas or areas of improvement' surface: How much time and energy do you spend
trying to either, divert the attention away, hide this area or in some way diminish it? (Again, be honest......resist
the temptation to put on your poser or faker costume!)
Once
again I hope you will think about these questions and really wrestle with your answers. Have some fun with this, don't
be too hard on yourself and realize that all of us have come up with an elaborate 'defense' system we use and put
up to help us feel better about ourselves....we all do. However, one of the true keys of leadership is to develop
the ability to honestly evaluate how we operate (Strengths and weaknesses) and take the needed action where appropriate.
On Thursday we will continue our discusssion
of our second 'Life Lesson from the Basketball Court'!' Until then, I hope your work-week continues on a strong note and as
always, if you have any thoughts you would like to share or questions; please take a moment and shoot me an email at: Holland@HollandMeads.com . Until next time, thanks again for coming back to join me in 2011; I truly do appreciate you taking the time to
read my thoughts and now, as always remember to keep:
'Dreaming Big and Daring to Fail!'
10:59 am edt
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