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Friday, June 4, 2010

Characteristics of Success - 'Life Skills' Part 9

Welcome back and I hope you have had a great week and are looking forward to a nice weekend . For those new to the blog we have been exploring 'Characteristics of Success' and our latest series is on 'Life Skills'. We began this series on Friday, May 14th, and established that although the last 20 months or so have been very difficult for most businesses, a positive trend has emerged. This trend seems to be that more and more companies are making their 'Training & Development' focus: 'Work/Home Life Balance or Life Skills' type training.

The first four traits or attributes we have explored in our previous posts were:

#1. 'Never Ever Stop Dreaming'

#2. 'Transparancy'

#3. 'Authenticity'

#4. 'Strength of Character'

Now I would like to explore the fifth trait or attribute I feel is an essential 'Life Skill', yet one that is very hard for many people to embrace or yet alone to master. This trait most simply stated would be an on-going ability to 'Face our Fears'!

Think about the importance of this trait in life, just think about it. Think about the impact of this trait if we are going to actually live by and embrace the four traits we have explored so far. Do you think one might say that 'Facing our Fears' is important if we are going to Never Ever Stop Dreaming, to live a Transparent life, if we are going to be Authentic and have Strength of Character?

I understand the purpose and basis of fear and why having a balanced view of fear is a life skill that we need to protect us at times. However, the list of fears that are reverberating in our world today are amazing and endless.....think about it.... Fear of disease, sickness or poor health, losing your job, of dying, of loneliness, of uncertainty about the future, of failure, of what other people will say, of making decisions, of conflict, of heights, of bugs, of falling, of rejection, of looking stupid or ignorant, of being judged, of losing your most important relationships, of public speaking, of being poor, of success.......and the list could go on for pages and pages.

We also need to realize how many times fear shuts us down or greatly inhibits us from achieving our dreams and living the life we want to live. Again I have been amazed over the years at how many people I've talked to who shared that they really wanted to do this or that with their life or career but they didn't. When I press them and ask them why, all of their answers had a common thread and the basis of that thread......the underlying reason was FEAR! Folks when you really cut through it and asked enough questions the result was always based in some type of fear......founded or unfounded.

What I would like to do is share some ways we all can use to shut fear down or minimize it enough so where we can accomplish the important things in our lives.

* Study the fear. Ask yourself if can really harm you?.......I mean really harm you.....not embarrass you for a few moments but really harm you? What would honestly be the worst, I mean the worst that could happen if you try? Really peel back your reasons why you are afraid. I mean keep asking this question: 'What is really causing my fear? Why am I so afraid?' Ask these questions enoungh until you get to the real root of the issue. Stop being 'afraid' of finding out where your fear is based.......acknowledging your fears is the first step to overcoming them.

* Study others who are doing what you're afraid to do. Obviously if it is something physical you need to examine your own health condition and consult your doctor for medical advice.,,,,but if it's not a health issue......if others can do it....you probably can also!

* Sometimes we need to just confront and try what we are afraid of. I'm not a big heights guy.....but I went sky-diving. I tandem jumped with an experienced sky-diver and it was a hoot and it helped me combat my fear. The part of the jump that I LOVED the most was 'facing my fears' piece......not the actual jumping......I did it!

* Sometimes our fears are so embedded in our Psyche that we need a professional coach or counselor. Dont' ever be ashamed or too proud to ask or seek out professional help. None of us can handle everything on our own......sometimes we need to realize we need the advice and counsel of someone else to help us deal more rationally with our fears.

* If we can change our thinking we can change the way we act and behave. The one thing we can control or at least regulate is our thoughts......we do it all the time. Since we can consciously only think of one thought at a time why not CHOOSE to regulate your thoughts. Choose to focus your thoughts on the positive and over-coming your fears instead of on the negative thought or fear. Simply choose to stop it right in its tracks and immediately change that thought to something positive. Next time you feel those negative thoughts popping up, realize it, analyze it and then CHOOSE to focus your mind in a different more positive direction. It might take some repeated efforts but that's how effective habits are created......one thought-at-a-time!

* Try and program more victorious thoughts into your everyday life. Instead of thinking the worst, picture your day going well and see yourself overcoming the things/fears that hinder you! Begin your day taking a moment or two and seeing your day going well. Visualize things working out. See yourself overcoming and mastering those thngs you fear and you know are holding you back.

* Creating a good offense puts fear on the defensive. Think about how our minds go when we are afraid....think of what we imagine, think about the 'worst' case scenarios we conjure up in our minds.....think about how big and monstrous we can make the fear....until it absolutely shuts us down and paralyzes us. Remember the 'reality or truth' is for the most part what we imagine, is almost always worse than the truth/fear in actuality. We create a fear far bigger than what it actually is and we create it in our mind/thoughts. Once that thought is created and dwelled upon, believed in, it grows exponentially bigger than it ever was or is. Why not just face the fear and just do it, attack it, sometimes the best thing to do is the very thing you fear, even if you have to do it afraid.

* If you are afraid to face your fear alone, why not enlist a friend to help you, be with you or accompany you as you face this obstacle. True friends accept us with our strengths and our weaknesses and if they are a true friend they would be honored to help you face whatever it is you fear. They know, the shoe might be on the other foot some other time.......don't be embarrassed, just ask.

When Fear rears it's ugly head it has the ability to shut any of us down. There isn't a person alive who doesn't have to deal and face their fears on a daily basis. The beauty of overcoming the things we fear is that the process opens up new avenues in life for us. When we work or push through our fears we open ourselves to new challenges and new opportunities that may change the direction of our life and those around us.

Why not take this weekend and honestly think about some of your dreams and aspirations and also think about some of the fears holding you back from going after them. Honestly, peel back the layers and examine why you are afraid of this particular item or area. Be honest and keep peeling back the layers until you get to the root of your fear. Once you get there, then you'll see it as it is and you'll also know how to manage it and put it in it's place. By not dealing with it.......we only hurt ourselves and stifle ourselves from being the person we were deeply intended to be.....do it.....face your fears....it is worth the journey....it really is!

I will see you again on Monday as we continue to explore the next trait/attribute in our 'Life Skills' series, hope to see you then. Have a great weekend and as always, thanks for listening/reading and remember to:

'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'

(Again I would love to hear what 'characteristics/skills/traits' you believe should be incorporated into the 'Life Skills' series. What do YOU think are key 'Life Skills' necessary to not only 'survive but thrive' in today's personal and professional world. Whether you have one idea or a whole list please hit the comment button underneath this post or email me your thoughts. Holland@HollandMeads.com Also if you have just joined us and would like to 'catch-up' on previous posts please hit the 'archive' buttons or this link will take you to the beginning of this series http://www.hollandmeads.com/2010.05.16_arch.html Monday May 17th 2010 )

4:39 am edt Comments

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Characteristics of Success - 'Life Skills' Part 8

Welcome Back after the Memorial Day Holiday! I hope you had a wonderful weekend and were surrounded by friends and family. We have been exploring 'Characteristics of Success' and our latest series is on 'Life Skills'. We began this series on Friday, May 14th, and established that although the last 20 months or so have been very difficult for most businesses, a positive trend has emerged. This trend seems to be that more and more companies are making their 'Training & Development' focus: 'Work/Home Life Balance or Life Skills' type training.

The first three traits or attributes we have explored in our previous posts were:

#1. 'Never Ever Stop Dreaming'

#2. 'Transparancy'

#3. 'Authenticity'

Now I would like to explore our fourth trait/aspect which is 'Strength of Character'. Now upon initial glance one might say that you need 'Strength of Character' to accomplish the first three aspects and I would agree with you. I also believe that this aspect has some wonderful stand-alone qualities that need exploring and discussion and so with that said, let's begin our discussion by once again referring to Webster to give us some parameters and launching point:

'Webster' defines 'Strength' as: 'The quality or state of being strong; vigor, mental power, force, moral power, firmness, or courage.

'Webster' defines 'Character' as: 'The aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing. Moral or ethical quality: qualities of honesty, courage, or the like; integrity, reputation, good repute.

I want to explore this trait from a two-pronged approach: First from the standpoint of the connection to the first three traits/aspects and then it's worth as a 'stand alone' trait. One of the things that strikes me the most about the first three traits/aspects is how truly hard I feel they are to establish and continue embracing in your personal and professional life. Now folks, I want you to 'honestly' think about these qualities: 'Never Ever Stop Dreaming, Transparency and Authenticity' and then I want to ask you, to think about and ask yourself the following three questions:

#1. How many people do you know that you can honestly and deeply say that they, their lives embody these traits? Be honest?

#2. Do you think it was hard or easy for them to get to that place in life?

#3. Do you also think it is easy or somewhat difficult to continue to embrace and live these qualities in their day-to-day personal and professional life?

I would love to hear your thoughts and comments about that statement and those three questions. You may email me your response at Holland@HollandMeads.com

Let me share how I would answer that question: As many of my reader's know I have been speaking to Corporate groups for well over twenty years and have met and worked with some very wonderful people. Most of the individuals and clients I have had the privilege of partnering with have been fine, talented people who were very good at their specific jobs and responsibilities. However, if you were to ask me how many of them truly embodied these traits I would have to say very, very few. The number of people I have met , worked with and for, who exemplified these aspects were few and far between. (Now my friends that doesn't make them a bad person or that I don't respect them and their abilities....I do! It just goes to say that the distance and difference between these folks and the ones who live by and embrace these traits seems to be a fairly large gulf.)

Why is that? Why does there seem to be such a difference between the majority of people and those that seem to reach deeper levels personally and professionally. I would have to say it is because to embrace a mind-set that tries to 'Never Ever Stop Dreaming, to be Transparent and be Authentic' is very hard to do on a day-to-day and on-going basis.....it takes a certain amount of 'Strength of Character' !

Let's think about the above definitions of 'Strength of Character' . 'Strength' is defined as vigor, mental power, force, moral power, firmness, or courage while 'Character' is defined as moral or ethical quality: qualities of honesty, courage, or the like; integrity, reputation, good repute. If we combine the two we see that it requires; mental power, force, moral power, and firmness to have moral quality, honesty, courage, integrity and a good reputation in our personal and professional lives. I feel like these traits individually are hard to get a grasp on.......but if you combine them it paints a large somewhat overwhelming picture on our individual life's canvas.

However, to consistently live a life where you Never Ever Stop Dreaming, are Transparent and Authentic you definitely need Strength of Character. I also know this becomes a chicken/egg type of question in which we want to somehow prove one came before the other. I guess I view it as not needing to choose or figure out which causes which but I would view as these are mutually inclusive, you can't have one without the other. I believe these traits are intimately intertwined but also at the same time demonstrate stand-alone merit.

As a 'stand-alone' trait or attribute I am overwhelmed and humbled by shear magnitude of the daily life implications of trying to embrace the individual components of this trait. Just think about the words in the definition....think about the mental power, force, moral power and firmness it requires to have moral quality, honesty, courage, integrity and a good reputation in our personal and professional lives...really think about them and their moment-by-moment implications in our lives. I think if we really do contemplate how these should impact our daily thoughts, actions and interactions I think you would agree: It is easy to speak about and laud the praises of this attribute but another thing all together to live by and embrace them in our lives daily.

The application part of this for me is the letting the 'light' shine through and realizing that to have 'Strength of Character' is an inside-out deal. Character can't be faked......well it can be faked for a while but eventually the 'light' shines through and the 'real' attributes surface. Character has to stem from deep within you.....your soul if you would. The 'Character' process has to begin and have as it's foremost focus 'internal' life change. For only when we change internally will we be able to consistently demonstrate 'Character' outwardly. The connectedness of these traits is amazing and I feel the key comes back to being TRANSPARENT in your life. To be comfortable letting your 'true light, your true heart, your true soul' emerge from the darkness. Having Strength of Character and being Transparent I feel requires many of the same things:

      * To be quiet for periods of time.......just be quiet and think and listen to your heart/soul, that 'Still Small Voice'.
      * To ask and explore why we do some of the things we do? Your motives, the drivers that are impelling you to act in a certain way? Ask yourself these types of hard questions and honestly peel back the layers to what you are thinking and feeling as you act in certain ways.
      * To fight through the discomfort of being quiet......to stop fighting it......to be patient and let the thoughts ideas come at their own pace......not at a predetermined pace you think they should come.
      * To realize this is a process not an 'end result'.....it is a journey that will take time and realize you will never get there......this isn't something like a goal that you look at, focus on, work hard and then finally reach. It will be a life process for you.
     * You don't just do the above once......and now you're done. You will have to re-visit this quietness and quiet reflection time often, the rest of your life.
     * To read literature that moves you internally and causes you to think deeply about your life.
     * Then you'll have to take ACTION based on what that 'Still Small Voice' whispers to you.

The 'hard question' to wrestle with is: Would your 'Life' be defined by the words 'Strength of Character'?  Now my friends I know some of the above-mentioned questions are hard to answer.....Self-honesty and introspection is always hard, however to have 'Strength of Character' we must wrestle with these questions. If you have wrestled with these questions, congratulations and please continue the process. Remember, having Character is a life-long journey not a one-time event.

For those of you that want to look in the self-mirror I do understand and realize this; you may not like some of the answers you find. Remember I never said it was easy.....that's why this section is called 'Life Skills'......because this journey will take a lifetime of exploration....the beauty of the journey is this......the trip is well worth the cost. I'll leave you with one last question: Do you my friends have and demonstrate 'Strength of Character' in your daily personal and professional lives?.....That continues to be the 'million dollar' question that is worth answering. I hope you'll embrace the challenge and enjoy answering the questions.

I will see you again on Friday as we continue to explore the next trait/attribute in our 'Life Skills' series, hope to see you then. As always, thanks for listening/reading and remember to:

'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'

5:42 am edt Comments

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