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Friday, May 28, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Life Skills' Part 7Welcome Back! I hope you had a great work week and if you live in the States
I hope you're looking forward to a nice 'Memorial Day' weekend. During this weekend I hope you will take a moment and honor
all those men and women who have served in our Military and those currently serving around the world. (Thanks Mom and Dad
for both of your service during WWII......I think I agree....YOU were/are the greatest generation! I miss you Dad and Love
You Mom!)
In our posts we have been exploring 'Characteristics of Success' and our latest series
is on 'Life Skills'. We began this series on Friday, May 14th, and established
that although the last 20 months or so have been very difficult for most businesses, a positive trend has emerged. This trend seems to be that more and more companies are making their 'Training
& Development' focus: 'Work/Home Life Balance or Life Skills' type
training.
The first three traits
or attributes we have explored in our previous posts were:
#1. 'Never Ever Stop Dreaming'
#2. 'Transparancy'
#3.
'Authenticity'
We began exploring 'Authenticity' in our last post and introduced four aspects of life that when connected, pose an interesting challenge for
us to interact with and manage, especially when it comes to being 'Authentic'. The four aspects were:
1. We all have Unique Talents and Abilities
2. Conformity is the Norm
3. Life is Tough
4. Creating an Authentic Life
Let's also quickly look back at the definition of Authenticity which gave us a launching point for our
discussion. 'Webster' defines 'Authenticity or Being Authentic'
as: 'Authenticity is; the quality or condition
of being authentic, trustworthy, or genuine. Webster further defines
Authentic as: not false or copied; real, verified,
reliable.
In Wednesday's post I talked about the importance of recognizing
our individual Unique Talents and Abilities. One of the biggest
challenges in today's world is that we want to be 'politically correct' in everything we do and we want everyone to be 'equal'.
My friends we're not all equal.....we're not supposed to be equal and we'll NEVER be equal......we are all different and unique
and for that fact I rejoice. I'm the only 'Me' I can stand. However, it seems like in today's world we are so focused on politically
correctness we have lost a healthy perspective.....We say, we don't want anyone's feelings to be hurt.....We want to be fair......to
treat everyone the same.
Today we say we shouldn't cut Johnny or Suzy from the team if they aren't good enough.....let
everyone play......Oh come on and give me a break. Maybe Johnny or Suzy shouldn't be doing that activity......that doesn't
mean they don't excel at something else. Folks, I'm 6'6" tall and weigh 205 pounds....I had to give up my dream of being
a jockey...... (Smile, but you get my point.)
Before I have a stoke I need to get off my 'soap box'......My point
is, that we are so busy focusing on 'including everyone' and making sure nobody's feelings get hurt that we have lost
our focus and that trend is amazing to me. We need to stop and realize we aren't all the same and we're not the same
by design. We are all UNIQUE........YEA!
The other challenge we discussed on Wednesday is simply Conformity is the Norm. We feel so much pressure to be like everyone else that we
seem to lose our uniquenesses. We spend time trying to conform to other people's standards and desires for us whether
those standards meet our needs and are true to who we are as individuals.
With some of that ground work established
I want to explore the other two aspects listed above and then connect
all the concepts.
3. Life is Tough As
I have just stated, I think one of the biggest challenges we face today with individuals is helping people embrace their uniqueness
and not conform in everything they do. The 'politically correct' mindset fails to recognize one huge FACT and PRINCIPLE of
LIFE which is..........LIFE IS TOUGH AND NOT FAIR! (Period)
Folks, let's be honest and admit....life is tough and not fair......it just isn't and so why do we spend so much time trying
to make it fair. (Now again please understand I'm not saying we should work toward helping others and making life easier for
others......that is a given.) My point is, that the principle never changes.....life is NOT fair. A spouse is killed in an
auto wreck. A child dies of cancer. A business makes a wrong decision and goes 'belly-up', putting people out of their jobs.
We get old and die......and the list goes on-and-on. As I think about my life personally and professionally there are times
when I think I have such a 'hard tough' life. I spend hours in the 'woe-is-me' pit only to see something on TV or read
an article about what someone else is facing and all of a sudden I realize; I have life by the tail and not a 'problem' in
the world.
Life is composed of opposites: We don't value our health till we suffer sickness and
pain. We don't know sadness without a reference point of happiness. We don't know 'like' without comparing it to 'dislike'.
We don't value success, unless we have tasted failure. We don't understand the sweetness of victory until we have tasted
bitter defeat. I feel like we have lost our perspective and fail to teach our children and others this simple truth: 'Life
is NOT fair and it never will be......deal with it! When we can start to look at ALL the
experiences (Good and Bad) in our lives, as part of the 'teaching' for our lives, only then can we start to 'embrace the journey'.
Remember life is not a goal with some destination in mind......it is a process of becoming the best YOU, YOU can
be and that is accomplished by taking the good with the bad, the easy with the hard, the pain with the joy. When we can embrace
life from that point and put on the 'Learner's Hat' and start to ask what is 'Life Teaching Me' right now.....good or bad,
we soon discover that truth which says: 'What and who we become on the journey is so
much more important than the destination.'
If we want to be 'Authentic,
To be the Real Deal', we have to be able to understand and embrace that we are Unique and
have Unique Talents and Abilities. We have to accept our uniquenesses and stop trying
to 'Conform to the World and Others around us'. We have to be
able to be happy with and celebrate who we are as a person with all our idiosyncrasies and faults and we also have to learn
to accept others for their differences and uniquenesses. Lastly we have to realize that 'Life is Tough'
and is not fair.....it never has been fair and never will be fair.....It is a principle
of life my friends. The sooner you and I stop 'kicking against it' the sooner we will learn what I stated above: Life is not a destination but a journey. Sometimes the journey
is filled with over-whelming happiness.....other times it is filled with over-whelming grief and great loss.....the simple
truth about life sometimes is this: 'It IS, what it IS!'
Now my friends I know some of the above-mentioned thoughts raise a whole lot of 'deep' life
type questions, that may be brutally hard to answer. Thinking about them may open some painful, not to
pretty 'life' moments for many of us. Self-honesty is brutally hard on/for all of us....it is! However, if we want
to live a transparent and truly 'Authentic' life we have to wrestle with these questions. We have to learn to ACCEPT and EMBRACE Our Unique Talents and Abilities, stop making
'Conformity the Norm', realize that 'Life is Tough'
and that 'Creating an Authentic Life' can
only be accomplished by embracing and combining all four aspects.
I know we may not like some
of the answers we find or we may not like what we see in the mirror. I never said it was easy but it is well worth it! I
guess maybe that is also probably why many of us would say: We don't know many 'TRULY AUTHENTIC PEOPLE' but it is also why
we admire them so much! Why not take action around your 'unique talents and gifts, stop trying to conform, face this
'tough life' squarely and let your true authentic self shine through for all to see! Those around you will be blessed
by what you bring to the table and you'll never regret embracing who you truly are....you really won't!
Throughout the last several posts we have established that when we aren't transparent; we probably end up spending
our life trying to be something we're 'suppossed' to be or who others think we should be. When we do this and embrace
this route we are CHOOSING, YES CHOOSING to live this way and we MAY not end up being true to ourselves.
Again, the only way to find out, is to spend the time alone working on ourselves and see where that journey takes us. Over
the Memorial Day weekend why not take some time alone and continue peeling back the layers of your life, this 'life-long process' can and will be very insightful
and extremely rewarding.....go ahead and just do it!)
What do these aspects we've discussed
so far have to do with: Creating an Authentic Life. Remember Webster
defines 'Authenticity' as: Trustworthy, or genuine, not
false or copied; real, verified, reliable. The 'hard question' you now have
to answer is, would your 'Life' be defined by the words above? Are YOU being 'Truly Authentic'
to who YOU are suppossed to be.....that my friends is the 'million dollar' question. I hope you'll enjoy
answering it......because the answer truly is worth it!
I am taking Monday off to be with my family
so I'll see you next on Wednesday, June 2nd when I will explore the next trait/attribute in our 'Life Skills' series, hope to see you then. As always, thanks for listening/reading
and remember to:
'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'
(Again I would love to hear what 'characteristics/skills/traits' you
believe should be incorporated into the 'Life Skills' series. What
do YOU think are key 'Life Skills' necessary
to not only 'survive but thrive' in today's personal and professional world. Whether you have one
idea or a whole list please hit the comment button underneath this post or email me your thoughts. Holland@HollandMeads.com Also if you have just joined us and would like to 'catch-up' on previous posts please hit the 'archive' buttons or this
link will take you to the beginning of this series http://www.hollandmeads.com/2010.05.16_arch.html Monday May 17th 2010 )
1:38 pm edt
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Life Skills' Part 6Welcome back on this fine Wednesday, or what most people refer to as 'hump'
day in their work week. We have been exploring 'Characteristics of Success' and our latest series is on 'Life Skills'. We began this series on Friday, May 14th, and established
that although the last 20 months or so have been very difficult for most businesses, a positive trend has emerged. This trend seems to be that more and more companies are making their 'Training
& Development' focus: 'Work/Home Life Balance or Life Skills' type
training.
The two traits or
attributes we have explored in our previous posts were:
#1. 'Never Ever Stop Dreaming'
#2. 'Transparancy'
We concluded
the last post with this thought or premise about people who are transparent. People who exhibit this trait/attribute seem
to be very, Open, Frank and Candid in how they conduct
themselves personally and professionally. We also talked about the funny thing about meeting and being around these types
of people is that while we may not agree with them on everything, the way they conduct themselves makes us respect
them! I think we respect them because we know they are living true to their core, to who they are as a person and we appreciate
their 'honesty' in life, it is refreshing to say the least.
I think the trait of transparency also enables
us to live a life that is what I would call: 'Real or Authentic'. In an earlier series on Leadership Traits we
discussed the attribute of Authenticity but I would like to explore it in a different way in our 'Life Skills' Series. With
that in mind the third trait or attribute I want us to explore is:
3. Authenticity.
As we have done with many of our thoughts, let's begin with a 'common' definition of this
word which will give us a launching point for our discussion. 'Webster' defines 'Authenticity
or Being Authentic' as: 'Authenticity
is; the quality or condition of being authentic, trustworthy, or genuine. Webster further
defines Authentic as: not
false or copied; real, verified, reliable.
Now where I'm about to go with
this may be confusing and also may create some 'problems' for some of my readers but I feel like I it is a direction I must
go. What I would like to do is explore several separate aspects of life that when connected, pose an interesting challenge
for us to interact with and manage. The four aspects are:
1. We all have Unique Talents
and Abilities
2. Conformity is the Norm
3. Life is Tough
4. Creating an Authentic Life
Today I would like to explore the first two aspects mentioned above and on Friday I will explore
the other two and connect all the concepts. Let's begin our discussion by exploring number one: 'We
all have Unique Talents and Abilities'.
When we were
children most of us were raised and had people; parents or otherwise, who tried to instill in us an independence
and an appreciation for our own individual uniqueness. We were told how special we were and for the most part were encouraged
to pursue our strengths and passions. Those guiding our lives tried their best to point us in directions, career
and otherwise that complemented our own uniquenesses.
My friends; I have a world view that is based on this
premise: 'God doesn't make junk!' God made us and made us all with incredibly unique talents and
abilities. If he would have wanted us all to be alike and the same he would've made us all the same......he didn't. Some people
are good with math...others aren't.....some are tall, some are short, .....some are thin, some are fat....... some are good
working with their hands.....others aren't....some can sing.....others can't.....some are athletic...others aren't.....and
the list goes on.......However, I believe that each and every person has some gift(s) and/or talent(s) that are totally
unique to that individual. Yes we may share 'degrees' of the same talent and abilities as others but we all are truly and
deeply unique. Why can't we learn to accept and celebrate our uniquenesses.
I think one of the main reasons
many people struggle with accepting their own uniquenesses, attributes and abilities is because early on in life we feel
an intense pressure to be like others and confrom. Why can't you be like so-and-so or act like this or that person and the
result is very quickly the second aspect of life raises it's head: 'Conformity is the
Norm'. Very quickly through peer pressure, rules in school and in life; we see
and feel the need to be 'like' everyone else and conform. (Now I realize that we need rules and laws to maintain
order and that we just can't let people choose which side of the street they want to drive on.....etc, etc, etc......I get
and understand the need for order.)
However in this process, slowly and almost imperceptibly we start
to conform and start to lose our uniqueness. Think about the devastating effects of the ridicule of others and the desperate
lengths we go to conform. Advertising is designed to make us 'want or need' their product so advertisers 'sell' us the
products based on what the product will do for us....we will be thinner.....better looking.....smarter.....in the 'in'
crowd........attract the beautiful lady or handsome man.....advertisers promote the 'perceived' benefit to us.
Just think about the peer pressure to conform clothing wise, music wise, how we look, eat, act, etc. etc. and think
about the pressure and lengths most people go to 'fit-in and be accepted'. The challenge here is balancing
'conforming' so we're not all driving on the side of the street we choose and being able to maintain our own individual
uniquenesses. I think the result for most people is that we strive so desperately to conform to other people's expectations
and wishes for our lives that in so-doing we lose ourselves in the midst. I think we get so consumed with 'fitting-in' that we
don't pay attention to: 'Who we really are and what are we uniquely gifted to do?' Most people end up living with a 'keep
up with the Jones's' mentality and we don't even know who the Joneses are. Most people have never developed the ability internally
to be comfortable with who they are as a person and the result is we spend most of our time and effort trying to be like
everyone else and to somehow 'fit-in'.
I will continue our discussion on Friday but to bring our discussion
to a close today I do have some 'homework questions' I would like you to think about and ponder. Please
answer the following questions:
#1. What are some of your unique
talents and gifts? Now for some of you this may be difficult but I would really like you to think about it........What
do you bring to the table? Brainstorm a list of any and every talent and unique ability you have.....no matter how small or
how big. Please just sit for several minutes quietly with a blank piece of paper or a computer and think about your unique talents and gifts. Write or type them
all down!.....every last one of them. (Once again please be honest, don't say you don't have any
or just list a few.......don't make excuses.......you have many large and small talents and gifts.........write
them down and enjoy the process!!!!!!!!)
#2. Now looking at the second aspect above: 'Conformity
is the Norm'. Ask yourself this: in what way(s) personally and professionally are you conforming and not letting your
unique talents and abilities rise to the surface. (Like I said before I know we all need rules, law and order in
our lives.....I'm not talking about that.......I'm talking about where have you given in and not let your unique insights,
talents and abilities rise to the surface. As I stated above: Honesty is the best policy.......you're not fooling anyone
and you know it.......just do your best to be honest and candid.....that is what 'Authentic' people do!)
Now my friends I know some of the above-mentioned questions may be brutally hard to answer....they may be painful and
open some not to pretty 'life' moments....I know and understand because I have and continue to wrestle with these same questions.
Self-honesty is brutally hard on/for all of us....it is! However, if we want to live a transparent and truly 'Authentic'
life we have to wrestle with these questions. I realize as we do, we may not like some of the answers we find or we may not
like what we see in the mirror. I never said it was easy but it is well worth it! I guess maybe that is also probably
why many of us would say: We don't know many 'TRULY AUTHENTIC PEOPLE' but it is also why we admire them so much!
I have stated this before but I feel it warrants repeating as we examine 'Life Skills': 'ACTIONS
speak Louder than Words!' If we want to live a life that is truly authentic; we have to make sure we consistently
live transparently from our core. How we conduct oursleves has to resonate from who we are, deep within ourselves. Truly what
you say and do is important....if frames who you are. This question remains for all of us: 'What are your actions shouting?'
'What type of life do YOU want to live? Why not take action around your unique talents and gifts, stop trying to conform
and let your true authentic self shine through for all to see! Those around you will be blessed by what you bring to
the table and you'll never regret embracing who you truly are....you really won't!
Throughout the last
several posts we have established that when we aren't transparent; we probably end up spending our life trying to
be something we're 'suppossed' to be or who others think we should be. When we do this and embrace this route we
are CHOOSING, YES CHOOSING to live this way and we MAY not end up being true to ourselves. Again, the
only way to find out, is to spend the time alone working on ourselves and see where that journey takes us. Over the next
few days why not take some time alone and answer the above questions......really think about them and write down your
answers: (Once you get
over the initial discomfort, peeling back the layers of life can be very insightful and extremely rewarding.....go ahead and
just do it!)
On Friday I will continue exploring the third and fourth aspects
above and try and tie all these concepts together. I hope you are enjoying exploring the traits/attributes in our 'Life Skills' series and will visit me again on Friday. As always, thanks for listening/reading
and remember to:
'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'
(Again I would love to hear what 'characteristics/skills/traits' you
believe should be incorporated into the 'Life Skills' series. What
do YOU think are key 'Life Skills' necessary
to not only 'survive but thrive' in today's personal and professional world. Whether you have one
idea or a whole list please hit the comment button underneath this post or email me your thoughts. Holland@HollandMeads.com)
11:56 am edt
Monday, May 24, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Life Skills' Part 5Welcome back on a beautiful Monday morning. I hope you had a great
weekend and are looking forward to a productive work week. We have been exploring 'Characteristics of Success' and
our latest series is entitled; 'Life Skills'. We began this
series on Friday, May 14th, and established that although the last 20 months or so have been very difficult for
most businesses, a positive trend has emerged. This trend seems to
be that more and more companies are making their 'Training & Development' focus: 'Work/Home
Life Balance or Life Skills' type training.
The two traits or attributes we have explored in out first four posts were:
#1. 'Never Ever Stop Dreaming'
#2. 'Transparancy'
We began our discussion/exploration of the second trait on Friday and I would like to continue our discussion today.
On Friday we began by establishing a common language/definition for this word. 'Webster' defines
'Transparancy or Transparent' as: Glass or some translucent substance, made visible by light
shining through from behind, so sheer as to permit light to pass through, easily seen through, recognized, or detected, obvious, open; frank; candid.
Today I want to spend time reflecting on the above definition and then share
some thoughts or tactics on how we can work on becoming transparent. As we look at the above definition there are several
words/phrases that intrigue me and also bring an interesting visual image to mind.
#1.
Translucent, made visible by light shining through from behind. When I read this part of the definition
a very clear visual image comes to mind for me: The image is of a 'Stained Glass Window'. Did you ever look at a stained glass
window when it is pitch black outside. You may still see the picture that is depicted and some of the subtle changes in the
scene but you really don't seem to get the full affect of what is depicted until what happens........light shines through
it from the opposite side. When light slowly starts to illuminate the window the picture begins to slowly come to life and
change right before your eyes.
As the sun shines brighter and brighter onto the scene from the back the scene continues
to change until the full-force of the sun totally illuminates the entire window. You also realize that based on the time of
day, time of year, angle of the sun's rays and the constant forward movement of the sun the picture continues to change.
You could watch and photograph a 'stained glass window' for a whole days sun cycle and one thing would be clear.....the picture
also changed throughout the day with each scene providing you a different glimpse into the nuances of the scene.
The application part of this for me is the letting the 'light' shine through and letting the internal change process begin.
For me the light depicted in the above illustration is your own heart and soul. The key to being 'transparent'
is letting your 'true light, your true heart, your true soul' emerge from the darkness. This process is very difficult because
it requires of us, several things:
* To be quiet for periods of time.......just be quiet and think and listen to your heart/soul, that 'Still
Small Voice'.
* To fight through the discomfort of being quiet......to stop fighting
it......to be patient and let the thoughts ideas come at their own pace......not at a predetermined pace you think they should
come.
* To realize this is a process not an 'end result'.....it is a journey that will
take time and realize you will never get there......this isn't something like a goal that you look at, focus on, work hard
and then finally reach. It will be a life process for you.
* You don't just do the above once......and
now you're done. You will have to re-visit this quietness and quiet reflection time often, the rest of your life.
* To read literature that moves you internally and causes you to think deeply about your life.
* Then you'll have to take ACTION based on what that 'Still Small Voice' whispers to you.
#2. So sheer as to permit light to pass through When I think of something this sheer
I simply think of something that is willing to let the light pass through. For me this really means to be a 'Transparent' person,
one has to be moldable and willing to change. I think so many people spend so much of their lives trying to 'defend and
excuse' the way they are and their actions, that they make so much 'NOISE' themselves that any 'Still Small Voice' that is
trying to speak is completely drowned. This part of the definition to me conjures an image of a butterfly coming out
of it's cocoon, being mentally willing to 'change and become' something new.......a new different person, true to YOU!.
Now, just the above-statement sent shock waves into some of your hearts. Immediately your defenses went up and you
came up with all the 'excuses' why you can't do this or why it won't work for you. What is really happening for these people
is they are afraid........afraid of what that 'Still Small Voice' might say to them. They are also afraid of changing and
then dealing with what will others think if they change. The thing you have to realize is that the voice you're listening
too is YOUR heart and soul speaking.....not some other persons. That 'Still Small Voice' is guiding you based on your purpose
and what is best for you. The challenge for most people is fear shuts them down, they begin to get scared and doubt and then
they shut the process down all together. They would rather stay where they are and not chance it so they just retreat and
adamantly defend where they are and why they are there!
3. Obvious, Open, Frank
and Candid
When I think of this part of the definition I almost see this as an end result
of the other parts of the definition we have discussed. If you let the sun shine through yourself by being alone, being quiet, listening
intently for that 'Still Small Voice' and then take action accordingly, you will be on your way to living a life
of transparency. If we consistently practice these things, I believe the end result will be that you begin to see
your life transform from the inside out!. When this happens, you'll demonstrate in your daily personal and professional lives
an 'Openness, Frankness and a Candor' to your life.
The funny thing about meeting and being around these types
of people is this: We may not agree with them on everything but we do have a respect for them, their convictions and how
they live their life whether we would want the same things for our life or not........we still respect them!
Remember from the other day these thoughts: When we aren't transparent; we probably end up spending our
life trying to be something we're 'suppossed' to be or we try to 'please' others by doing what they want or think
we should do. In so doing this and CHOOSING, YES CHOOSING to live this way we MAY not, be being true to ourselves.
Unfortunately, the only way to find out, is to spend the time alone working on ourselves and see where that journey takes
us. Over the next few days why not take some time alone and ask yourself: What layers in your life might need peeling back?
On Wednesday I will explore another trait in our 'Life Skills'
series. Please take some time and think about my thoughts from today and I'll see you on Wednesday. As always,
thanks for listening/reading and remember to:
'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'
(Again I would love
to hear what 'characteristics/skills/traits' you believe should be incorporated into the 'Life
Skills' series. What do YOU think are key 'Life
Skills' necessary to not only 'survive but thrive' in today's personal and
professional world. Whether you have one idea or a whole list please hit the comment button underneath this post or
email me your thoughts. Holland@HollandMeads.com)
10:03 am edt
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