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Friday, May 21, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Life Skills' Part 4Welcome back and I hope you had a good productive work week. On this beautiful
Friday in the Adirondack Mountains we are going to continue exploring 'Characteristics of Success' and our latest
series on 'Life Skills'. We began this series on Friday, May 14th, and established
that although the last 20 months or so have been very difficult for most businesses, a positive trend has emerged. This trend seems to be that more and more companies are making their 'Training
& Development' focus: 'Work/Home Life Balance or Life Skills' type
training.
In our second
and third posts I shared and explored my thoughts around our first attribute which was:
#1. 'Never Ever Stop Dreaming'!
Now I would like to spend today and Monday exploring our second
'trait or attribute' which is:
#2. 'Transparancy'
Lets begin our discussion by establishing a common language/definition for this word. 'Webster'
defines 'Transparancy or Transparent' as: Glass or some translucent substance, made
visible by light shining through from behind, so sheer as to permit light to pass through, easily seen through, recognized,
or detected, obvious, open; frank; candid.
When I step back and look at the first two 'traits or attributes' we've outlined so far one thing becomes
very apparent to me: These traits are easier talked about and discussed than they are lived in our day-to-day personal
and professional lives. Why is that? I think it is because the above definition carries with it a certain vulnerability and
openness that very few people are willing to embrace and live by in their day-to-day lives.
Let's be honest, to
be vulnerable and live with an openness to our lives is risky. It is risky manly because of the two-fold price we have
to pay to achieve it. First there is a tremendous personal 'emotional' cost to being transparent. We have to be willing to
look deeply into our lives and be willing to discover what/who we really are? To achieve that we have to be willing to keep
peeling back the layers of our life until we feel we have reached the 'real true us'! That process of looking into our lives
is not only time consuming, requiring deep introspection but also requires us to be willing to 'face' and deal with what we
un-earth in our journey.
Just the 'price' of the above statements alone are enough to keep most people away from
looking deeply into their lives. Let's face it, most of us know we are 'flawed or challenged' in some areas of our life and
the thought of venturing into the 'why we are, why we are and then doing something about it', is a daunting task to say the
least.
The second challenge with becoming 'transparent' as a person is facing the reaction we receive from others.
We all want people to appreciate, love and respect us for who we truly are. The challenge with being transparent comes when
'transparency' for us individually meets with sharp disapproval, criticism and sometime out right ridicule from others. Many
times these feelings of disapproval come most sharply from the people in our lives that matter the most to us; friends and
family. Dealing with these types of feelings and disdain from the people closest to us is doubly hard and is probably the
toughest aspect of this trait.
I remember meeting with a counselor and discussing this very aspect one time. I
had been 'peeling' back the layers in my life for a while and was coming to grips with pieces of who 'Holland' was as a person
and was pleased with what I was finding out about myself. The journey of peeling back the internal layers of myself was tough
and quite painful at times. I had to deal with adding certain things to my life that were true to me and deleting others
aspects of my life that weren't true and in-line with who I was becoming. Wrestling with those aspects and adding or deleting
activities was very difficult in and of itself and yet I can remember not being ready for what I was about to face.
As I was 'becoming' what I thought was the new and improved version of 'Holland', quite pleased with the internal work I
was tackling I wasn't quite ready for what I began to experience. I can remember naively thinking that others would be as
happy, pleased and embrace who I was becoming as a person........ Boy was I in for a rude awakening! Some of
the reactions I received blew me away and I met with strong disapproval from some of the most important people in my
life......I couldn't believe it and was left in shock. Here I peeled through what I felt was layer after layer of myself only
to have many people say.....they liked the 'old Holland' better.
I was astounded and remember retreating
into myself wondering......what did I do? I really thought others would 'approve' of my journey and subsequent discoveries
and quickly found out that couldn't have been further from the truth. They wanted the 'old Holland' back and readily shared
why. I lost friends and at times my family even probably questioned where my head/heart was. I will say this; I was fortunate
that my family for the most part has been wonderful at accepting and loving me through the ups and downs of my journey. Now
others......not so much.
With all this said, I talked with my counselor about it and was comforted by her insights.
She said: 'Holland some people will never get or try to understand
what you're going through and trying to accomplish deep inside your life, period....they just won't ever get it. Others will
get it but what you've had to do and the insights you've received hit to close to home for them.' She said: 'There is something inside of them screaming that they need to be doing some of the same things you have done
but they are scared to death to try and to also face the ensuing disapproval and ridicule of others.' She continued:
'The third group which is probably the smallest will understand and appreciate what you're doing.....but
they will be by far the smallest group of the three! ....... Wow, she was so right!
What I was
beginning to understand was that other people who 'judged' me did so for a variety of reasons but many of those reasons were
based in a need to hide something in their own lives. When we aren't transparent and spend our life trying to be something
we're 'suppossed' to be or what 'others' think we should be develop a 'herd' type of mentality. We spend our life trying
to please others in the herd. As long as we stay with the herd we are embraced and appreciated.....step outside the herd and
you'll quickly feel the subtle and not so subtle pressure to conform back to the herd mentality. It seems the approval
of others holds so much sway in our lives that it sometimes cripples our abilities to truly be who we think we should be and
if we ever do try and step out of the box or actually step out; we are immediately met with harsh 'push-back'
to our choices.
After listening to my counselor's insights I finally began to understand what I was experiencing
and why I was experiencing it. Thanks for listening to my thoughts for today. Over the weekend why not
take some time alone and ask yourself: What layers in your life might need peeling
back?
On Monday I will continue exploring the trait/characteristic
of 'Transparency '. Please take some time and think
about my thoughts from today and have a great weekend! As always, thanks for listening/reading and remember to:
'Dream
Big and Dare to Fail!'
(Again
I would love to hear what 'characteristics/skills/traits' you believe should be incorporated into the 'Life Skills' series. What do YOU think are key 'Life Skills' necessary to not only 'survive but thrive' in
today's personal and professional world. Whether you have one idea or a whole list please hit the comment button underneath
this post or email me your thoughts. Holland@HollandMeads.com)
11:08 am edt
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Life Skills' Part 3Welcome back on this fine Wednesday as we continue our exploration of 'Characteristics
of Success' and our latest series on 'Life Skills'. We began this
series on Friday, May 14th, and established that although the last 20 months or so have been very difficult for
most businesses, a positive
trend has emerged. This trend seems to be that more and more companies are making their 'Training &
Development' focus: 'Work/Home Life Balance or Life Skills' type
training.
We are currently exploring what 'skills, traits or characteristics' we would identify and include
under the broad umbrella of 'Life Skills'. As
I have said previously there is NOT ONE exhaustive list out there of what should be included as 'key
life skills'. Opinions of what should and shouldn't be on the list vary widely and this process will be a
'flawed' at best. The thoughts I'm sharing are in no particular order but are shared for their worth as 'stand-alone'
traits or attributes. One of the ways I'm approaching this series is to try and look at what skills, attributes,
characteristics or attitudes would we want to share/give to our children that would help them 'survive
and thrive' in today's world. In our second post I shared the first attribute which was:
#1. 'Never Ever Stop Dreaming'!
When I posted my thoughts on the
above-topic I received some wonderful responses via email that expressed different thoughts, ideas and questions about
this trait/attribute. The responses I received got me thinking and I want to spend the rest of our time today delving more
deeply into this trait and providing you some 'Random Holland' thoughts. On Friday we'll
come back and explore our next attribute. Before I continue I have to ask about the 'homework' I asked you to do from
Monday's post. Did you answer the questions? I hope you took the time to think about your life and what 'Never Ever Stop Dreaming' means to you. 
Now I would like to continue with some further discussion of this attribute. When the topic of 'Dreaming'
is just mentioned to me in a conversation or in something I read; just the word sets my mind and heart a blaze.
I guess I look at life through the eyes of a Dreamer......I always have been a dreamer and I know this about myself.......I
always will be a dreamer. I have big dreams and little dreams and every shape in-between dreams. Some of my dreams are
very, very important to me while others I would love to do and accomplish but these dreams don't necessarily carry the same
weight or value.
For some people, dreams and goals emanate from the same place and have somewhat the same meaning.
For me, the word dream conotates a deeper meaning than having a goal or desire. Now I realize that many of my dreams
turn into goals and I guess for some people this begins to look like a chicken/egg type of question. For me, dream(s)
bubble-up from a deeper place inside of me than a goal. There is a feeling of purpose and passion driving them that comes
from within. In many ways I feel like I was destined or created for these purposes, these dreams.
So for me there is a deeper, almost spiritual type of meaning to the word dream. A destiny type of quality
that impels you to continue persuing this dream through hard and difficult times. I guess the picture comes to mind of an
author who has dreamed of writing a book and has had it rejected by one publisher after another, but they continue to submit
it till they get that company that will believe in their book and publish it. These people continue to submit it against all
odds because for them it was something they felt they wanted, needed, had to write......it was their destiny in some way to
write it and eventually get it published.
I also think following those deep heartfelt dreams give us hope. Each
person whether they would admit it or not wants their life to count for something. They might not ever share those thoughts
with others, may hide beind some false bravado but deep inside their core they feel they were put on this earth for some
purpose, and the purpose we all share is to in some way, make a difference in the world. When we have dreams and hope we have
energy and passion for life and it gives us the strength to fight through the tough life times.
In keeping
with the above-thought: I also feel that in some way everyone has a 'divine' type of purpose for their life.
One person's life purpose and dreams may be 'more public' in it's notoriety while another person's purpose/dreams may
be known only to them or very few others. No matter how big or small your dreams are and no matter who knows or doesn't know
about them we all need to realize that none of them are more valuable. We need each type of person in the world with each
type of dream, that's what make life so interesting and exciting.
How do you know or find out what those
dreams are deep inside you.......how do you know and understand what YOU have to give and bring to this world. You find that
out by not being afraid to peel back the onion of your life and see what is inside you. You do it by alone time, deep reflection
and introspection into yourself. The challenge with achieving this is that we get so busy in our life 'earning' a living.......sometimes
we don't make a life. Now I know we all most work and provide, I get that......but I also know we have so much other 'noise'
in our life that the thought of peeling back the layers and listening to what we hear is a daunting process that take a whole
lot of effort.
I also know this.....it is worth it for many reasons......one of which I think we be more clear as we
share our second trait on Friday.
I want to close this 'Random Holland Thoughts' blog with this premise: I think we are all accountable to what is deep inside us, dream-wise
and not to some 'societal' standard of what is a 'worthy or not-worthy' dream. EVERY LIFE has value, brings value to
others and every dream held inside that person is of value, big or small, known or unknown, famous or not. You and YOUR dreams
are important to YOU and to the rest of us......You and your deep dreams are so very important, they simply are......please
my friends never lose your sense or desire to dream and make a difference in this great world and the lives that you touch.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings and remember, peeling back the layers may be difficult and painful at times......but
it will be well worth it to uncover your dreams and your purpose..........remember it
is not the destination but the journey that counts.......and I think dreaming makes the journey incredibly worthwhile!
On Friday I will continue sharing by exploring the next trait/characteristic in our 'Life
Skills' series. Please think about my 'random' thoughts from today and maybe also take the
time to answer or re-visit the homework questions I posed on Monday. I look forward to your continued responses by email or
post and as always, thanks for listening/reading and remember to:
'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'
(Again I would love to hear what 'characteristics/skills/traits'
you believe should be incorporated into the 'Life Skills' series. What
do YOU think are key 'Life Skills' necessary
to not only 'survive but thrive' in today's personal and professional world. Whether you have one
idea or a whole list please hit the comment button underneath this post or email me your thoughts. Holland@HollandMeads.com)
8:07 am edt
Monday, May 17, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Life Skills' Part 2Welcome back, as we continue our exploration of what I have titled
'Characteristics of Success'. On Friday, May 14th, we began a new series entitled 'Life
Skills'. In our first post we established that although the last 20 months or so have been very
difficult for most businesses, a positive trend has seemed
to have emerged. It seems that many 'forward-thinking' companies have come through these tough economic times with
a new focus on what I would call: 'Work/Home Life Balance or Life Skills' type training. It seems they want
the focus of 'training/education' to be be able to have a two-pronged application and want their associates to be
able to take the principles taught and apply them to work, but they also want the principles to have an application to their
'non-work or home life' as well.
What I would like to do in this series is identify, explore and
see what 'skills, traits or characteristics' we would identify and include under the broad umbrella of 'Life
Skills' and also try and bring some 'personal' application of these traits to our lives. Now, I
will be the first to say that there is NOT ONE exhaustive list out there of what should include as 'key life skills'. Opinions
of what should and shouldn't be on the list will vary widely and this will be a 'flawed' process at best. I will say up-front
that there will probably be 'skills, traits or characteristics' on the list that you disagree with and ones you think should
be included in the list that I seemed to have left out. What I will/am attempting to do is make this a 'free-flowing' process
of ideas and I welcome your comments, thoughts or suggestions. As I said in the Friday's post; I would like
to meld my ideas and thoughts with ones you suggest and together we'll create this series so if you have ideas of a trait
that you think should be included in our discussion please email them to me at: Holland@HollandMeads.com
The thoughts I will share are in random order and not
ordered by 'importance' or any 'perceived' assigned value but are shared for there worth as a 'stand-alone' trait or attribute.
I guess in some ways I view this series this way: What are the skills, attributes, characteristics or attitudes you would
like to share/give to your children that will help them 'survive and thrive' in today's rapidly
changing world. With that said let's begin by exploring the first trait I think should be included in our 'Life
Skills' series which is: 'Never Ever Stop Dreaming'!
When I think of a trait or attribute I would like all people to have no matter what age they are or where they
are in their station-of-life it would be the ability/desire to 'Never
Ever Stop Dreaming'. What is interesting to me about this attribute is that I feel we are all
born with it to some degree or another. Yes, the scope of the 'dreams' we have for our lives vary greatly from person-to-person; one
person dreams what we would call 'big or great' dreams while others dream less 'expansive or grandeos' dreams, but no
matter if they are termed big or small, they are dreams none-the-less. Watch and listen to grade school children and young
people and listen to the dreams that fill their thoughts and minds; they have such wonderful wishes, hopes, aspirations
and dreams for their respective lives which I find inspiring and refreshing.
With this premise established;
that to one degree or another we all have/had dreams of what we wanted our lives to be when when we were young
the question begs to be asked: Do you still have 'Dreams' for your life? If so, congratulations and keep working toward those
dreams and remember that even if you 'achieve' your dream to 'Never Ever Stop Dreaming'!
Now for those in my audience that couldn't answer the above question/thought with a resounding 'YES'! What Happened?
What happened from your 'youth' to where you are right now that 'caused' you to either put your dreams on hold, to the
side temporarily or abandon them all together?
Now I know the above 'question/thought' strikes many readers, many
different ways: For some who are persuing their dreams they experience a feeling of satisfaction and contentment. For those
that have put their dreams to the side temporarily, you may experience feelings of sadness but a desire to rekindle your 'old
dream' or establish 'new ones'! Then there are others who have abandoned their dreams, have no 'new or other' dreams
and feel caught in the vicious cycle of day-to-day life.
I guess I would like everyone to know that I realize
'surviving and thriving' in our day-to-day lives sometimes may be very, very tough. I also know that many things happen
on the way to pursuing our dreams which cause us to either put our dreams away temporarily or abandon them all together.
Some of the challenges we face are caused or driven by our own life choices both good and bad while others are the result
of things that happen in our lives which are totally out of our control and/or influence. I realize that some of the
challenges and hurdles we face in our personal and professional lives take the wind out of our sails so deeply that the thought
of getting back up or ever pursuing any type or 'personal dream' is a dauntless challenge, to say the least........I
do understand!
However, when I think of 'Life Skills' that I would like to pass on to our children and the next
generation I would still want to pass on the challenge of 'Never Ever Stop Dreaming'!
I would want them to understand that going after and achieving those dreams may be difficult
for a myriad of self-inflicted and external reasons but I would still want them to dream and go after those dreams no matter
where they are in life or what obstacle they are facing. To me there is something so 'deeply spiritual' about dreaming
and persuing the things that your individual heart embraces. I love that people's dreams are so widely different,
covering a multitude of topics and ideas. I believe one can't help but smile and appreciate the deep heart-felt passions and
dreams of others whether you share or have any interest in the same dream or not. Whether we share in their dream(s)
is beside the point; just them having and going after their dreams with all their ability I believe is infectious.
So I guess I want to ask you several questions to bring our thoughts/discussion to a close: Over the next several
days I would like you to honestly think about and contemplate the following:
#1.
What are your current dreams? Do you have any? Why or why not?
#2. If you have some dreams are you pursuing? Be
honest and ask yourself if you are making an effort and some progress? Why or why not?
#3. What
were some of your dreams that for whatever reason you have let go of? Could any of these be re-kindled to one degree or another?
#4. What are some new dreams you could focus on? What would make you excited and bring you some energy? Big or small,
don't worry about the 'size or scope' of the dream.....a dream is a dream is a dream......it is YOUR dream.....no-one elses.
#5. What are some of your reasons or excuses for not dreaming and going after the things in your life that stir you
internally? No matter what age or where you are in life you can always have dreams......what are some of yours and what are
the excuses that lay in the way of you going after them?
#6. Why not take some small step of action toward your
dreams! No matter how small......maybe the first step is 'starting to dream again'. My friends, that is a great first step.......dream
again.....let your mind go and then take some action!
For those of you
that have been my faithful blog readers from the beginning you know that one of my 'life heroes' was Norman Vaughan. www.NormanVaughan.com One of the reasons Norman was my hero was because he never lost his 'youthful' exuberance and his life was a continual
example of 'Never Ever Stop Dreaming'! Norman
climbed a 10,500 foot mountain in Antarctica named after himself, reaching the top three days shy of his 89th birthday. Norman
lived to see his 100th birthday and until his dying days he continued to 'Never
Ever Stop Dreaming'!
I guess there is a part of me that thinks 'dreaming' is directly connected
to having hope in our life, and if we have hope, we can always push-on and persevere through the difficult times. I realize
that we may have dreams and for a myriad of reasons may not ever reach them but remember......it is not the destination but
the journey that counts.......and I think dreaming makes the journey incredibly worthwhile!
On Wednesday I will continue sharing by exploring the next trait/characteristic in our 'Life Skills' series. Please
give this topic and the questions I posed some thought. Remember writing your answers down brings tremendous power to
your thoughts......look at the questions, answer them....and then take some action......it couldn't hurt......feel what it
feels like to be a kid again and dream!
As always, thanks for listening/reading and remember to:
'Dream
Big and Dare to Fail!'
(Again I would love
to hear what 'characteristics/skills/traits' you believe should be incorporated into the 'Life
Skills' series. What do YOU think are key 'Life
Skills' necessary to not only 'survive but thrive' in today's personal and
professional world. Whether you have one idea or a whole list please hit the comment button underneath this post or
email me your thoughts. Holland@HollandMeads.com)
9:10 am edt
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