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Friday, April 30, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Managing Stress' - Part 6Well I hope you have had a great week and are looking forward to a wonderful
weekend. Welcome back as we continue to explore 'Characteristics of Success' and continue tackling the topic
of: 'Managing Stress'! So far in our first five posts we have
discussed:
#1. The 'potential stressors' we may be
currently facing in our lives.
#2. We examined three different types of stress: 'Acute Stress, Episodic Acute Stress and Chronic Stress'.
#3. We looked at some 'not-so-healthy' ways we might be currently
dealing with our stress.
#4. We explored some tips/techniques we could employ to 'Elude
or Escape the Stressor' in our personal
and professional lives.
#5. We continued our exploration of tips/techniques to manage stress by discussing ways to 'Adjust or Change the Stressor'.
We established this 'model' in our fourth
post: Dealing with 'Stressful Situations' requires us to either: Change the Situation or
Change our Reaction! Change the situation:
Change your reaction;
* Elude
or Escape the Stressor
* Accommodate, Conform or Reconcile
* Adjust or Change the Stressor *
Concede or Acknowledge
In the
last post we continued examining the 'Change the Situation' aspect of the above-equation and discussed
tips/techniques/methods to 'Adjust or Change the Stressor'
. Once again I gave you a homework assignment that hopefully helped to bring some 'personal
traction' to the thoughts or ideas presented. I hope you did it.......Personal growth is not easy but well worth if
if we'll take the time to really 'look inward"! For those of you that did........CONGRATULATIONS and thanks, you
won't regret it!
As we have alluded to throughout
our exploration of the topic of 'Stress', not all stress can be avoided. We also established that what 'stresses'
us out will vary person-to-person and the 'methods' we employ to help us cope with the stress will also vary by
the person and situation. (There is NO one size fits all when it comes to tips and techniques to help us
cope with stress!) Now I would like like to switch from the 'Change
the Situation' side of the above equation to the 'Change your Reaction' side by exploring how we
can learn to 'Accomodate, Conform or Reconcile' our reaction to the
stressor.
The bottom line for all of us is this.....there are times in life that we can't feasibly change the
situation....it is what it is. However, I believe many of us are way too quick to use the statement 'I can't change the situation' as an excuse to stay where we are and not pay
the 'price' to move forward. I think, if we have a tendency to 'Error', we "Error' on the side of making excuses
and justifying where we are as opposed to facing the challenge of extricating ourselves from the thing that is stressing us
out. It seems we refuse to realize and acknowledge that 'WE' probably made some choice, somewhere,
to place us in the situation and to keep us there. Instead of being 'honest' in our assessment, we just continue in the
mode of making excuses, justifying where we are so we don't have to make 'hard' choices and deal with the 'stressor'.
Now with the above established: I also know there are times in our life that we can't change the situation....it
IS....what it IS....PERIOD. When we are truly in a situation like this........in this type of case we have to focus our
energy on 'Changing our Reaction to the 'Stressor'. In order to help
us cope and feel more calm or 'OK' with where we are we have to focus our energy on adapting to the situation by changing
our expectations and our attitudes. If we can’t change the stressor, let's focus on changing ourselves. Once
again let's look at some methods that will help us achieve this:
* We need to learn to be able to change our paradigm and 'Reframe Problems'. Next time you are faced with something that is out of your
control whether it be a traffic jam, employee who called in sick, a computer malfunction, a package that didn't arrive on
time or whatever else, we need to 'STOP' and take a more 'positive' perspective. Pause and reflect, does getting mad or biting
someone's head off really accomplish what you want.......doesgetting mad and frustrated really make that 'sick employee' miraculously
just show-up.....does it? Does getting mad and fuming help you interact with the other staff?......Does it? Do you get more
accomplished when you 'lose-it'? Do you? We all know the answer. We have to learn to change our perspective and make adjustments
that help us and don't hinder us. Next time one of the situations happen; why not take a step back, breathe, calm yourself
down and think what is the best most effective way to handle this now that it has happened........You may surprise yourself
with the productive ideas you'll discover.
* Focus your attention on the 'Big
Picture'.When we are stressed out and things don't go our way we have the tendency to get so myopic in
our focus. The old saying rings so true: 'We can't see the forest for all the trees!'. We seem to lose our perspective and
forget to stop, pause, and think about: Is it 'REALLY' going to matter a day from now? How about a week
from now? How about a month from Now?......A year from now? When you are rocking on your rocking chair at the age of 95......is
this moment really going to matter in the huge scope of your life?.....Is it? We all know that answer don't we......NO.
Yet we fight so hard to 'control' the things/events in our life, that when we 'lose' control, the result seems to be we also
'lose' our perspective. Why not start asking yourself: Is it really going to matter in the scope of my day, week,
month, year or life and if it ISN'T.........why not 'CHOOSE' to focus your time and energy
elsewhere.
* Sometimes we have to learn to 'Adjust Our Standards'.Being
a perfectionist or living your life under the rules that there is a 'right way and a wrong' way for everything does
nothing more than set yourself up for failure, huge disappointments and cumulative result is large amounts of stress. Folks
I am all for having dreams, goals and setting high standards for myself and the people around me but I also have to be very
careful to not let my 'high standards' create unattainable marks that do nothing other than stress myself out and those around
me too. How may times in my life have I set some 'rigid' self standard that I knew or quickly found out was unattainable but
instead of admitting it, reassessing the goal and setting new standards I became dogmatic....I dug in and tried to 'force-it'
into happening. When I have done this two things were normally the outcome......#1. it didn't happen when or how I wanted
it. #2. the resulting stress I created for myself and those around me by my 'dogged rigidity' was horrible. We have to
stop fooling ourselves by setting ourselves up for failure by demanding perfection. How about if we try a new method: Why
not set reasonable standards for ourself and others and learn to be okay with 'good enough'......what can we
lose......other than a lot of stress and a lot of lost productivity induced by the stress.
* Last but not
least, we have to learn to 'Focus on the Positive'.The challenge with
handling stress in our lives is the 'snowball' affect stress has on us. When we are facing a certain 'stress or stressors'
the 'stressors' seem to take on a life of there own and grow exponentially bigger moment by moment. Can we be honest here?
How many of us when we have gone through some stressful times have totally lost our perspective and let the stress blow-up
so large that it ended up consuming much of our time and all of our energy. How many times have we allowed the stress (in
our mind) to grow that it seems to take on a 'life of it's own'!.......it just seems to get bigger and bigger.....the larger
it gets the more other scenarios we pile on top of it until the shear weight of the 'world' is on our shoulders. We have to
learn that when stress gets us down and grows exponentially we have to stop, pause, breathe and then take a moment to
reflect on all the things we do have in our life. By turning our 'focus/attention' onto the positive qualities and
gifts in our lives we can learn to keep things in perspective. Next time your stress is mounting why not take some time
to list the 'good qualities and gifts' in your life: CHOOSING to adopt this type of 'life strategy' can't do anything other
than help you appreciate the life you have, keep things in a truer perspective and by the way......will help to reduce our
stress levels.
Once again I would like to bring our discussion to a close by continuing our
homework 'method'. Thinking back to our first post where you listed some of the 'Stressors
in Your Life' please answer the following questions:
#1.
Looking at the things that cause you stress I would like you to examine: 'How can I Change my Reaction to the Situation (the Stressor)?' Looking at the list above, which of these 'Methods'
could you employ to 'Accomodate, Conform to or Reconcile' our reaction to the 'Situation,
the Stressor'? (Once again please be honest, look at your 'stressors' and then look at each of
the items listed above and continue doing your own 'self-assessment'!.....Please don't make excuses as to why
the above-thoughts won't work. Force yourself to take responsibility and 'CHOOSE' to 'Look
for solutions'!!!!!!!!!)
#2. Again, looking at the suggestions above: Why and which ideas/techniques/methods do we 'refuse or
push-back' against implementing or trying? (As I stated above: Honesty is the best policy.......you're not fooling
anyone and you know it.......just do your best to be honest and candid.....that is what 'Authentic' people do!)
I
hope our discussion today again sparked some internal dialogues and questions for you to think about. As has been
our concluding 'theme' in all our postsI realize that one of the hardest things any of us can do is wrestle with the
internal 'why we do what we do questions'. If we want to learn to 'Manage our Stress' we
will need to look at ourselves, peel back some of those many layers and then implement some of these suggestions. 'Authenticity'
or 'being an Authentic Person is very, very difficult and requires us to be deeply intuitive, look into our gut and make
some hard 'self-assessments'. As I have said before, I know this is difficult, uncomfortable and painful...... but I
also know the effort is worth it because of WHO we become through the journey!
Again be honest in your self-assessment
and please, please write your thoughts down. Have a great weekend and I'll see
you on Monday with more 'tips/techniques' on 'Managing Stress'. As always, thanks
for listening/reading and remember to:
'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'
(If you are new to my 'blog' and have just joined us.....Welcome! You have joined us as we are exploring
the topic of Managing Stress. If you would like to 'catch-up' and connect all the concepts I would suggest
that you go into the 'archive' section and read the previous posts. The first post on 'Managing Stress' was on
Monday, April 19, 2010: This link should take you to that post: http://www.hollandmeads.com/2010.04.18_arch.html )
6:50 am edt
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Managing Stress' - Part 5Welcome back as we continue to explore 'Characteristics of
Success' and are now tackling the forever 'hot' topic of: 'Managing Stress'!
So far in our first four posts we have discussed:
#1. The 'potential
stressors' we may be currently facing in our lives.
#2. We examined three different types
of stress: 'Acute Stress, Episodic Acute Stress and Chronic Stress'.
#3. We looked at some
'not-so-healthy' ways we might be currently dealing with our stress.
#4. We started discussing some
methods that would help us deal with and/or face the 'stressors' in
our life more effectively.
We established in our fourth post that dealing with 'Stressful Situations' requires
us to either: Change the Situation or Change our Reaction and
we introduced the following 'actions' that if implemented, will help us deal more effectively with our daily 'stressors'!
Change the situation:
Change your reaction;
* Elude or
Escape the Stressor
* Accomodate, Conform or Reconcile
* Adjust or Change the Stressor *
Concede or Acknowledge
In the last
post we started by examining the 'Change the Situation' aspect of the above-equation and spent
the rest of the post discussing methods to 'Elude or Escape the Stressor'
. As is standard in all my blog/posts, I gave you a homework assignment that helps bring some 'personal
traction' to the thoughts or ideas presented. Did you do the homework?....Did you? Again, I really hope you took the
time to answer the two questions. The only way for any of us to learn and grow is to look at our lives deeply.....For
those of you that did the homework, CONGRATULATIONS.....I know you won't regret it!
As we pointed out in the last
post; I realize that not all stress can be avoided and that different 'methods or techniques' will work for one person
and not for another. What 'stresses' us and what 'methods' we employ to effectively deal with the stress will vary from person-to-person
and situation-to-situation. We began by exploring the first 'Stress Management
Strategy' listed above: Elude or Escape the Stressor and now I would like to explore the second action which is: 'How to
Adjust or Change ( the situation) the Stressor' . Again, here are some
suggested methods that will help us accomplish this: - We
have to learn to 'Express How We Feel'! Being able to 'constructively
and respectfully' communicate your feelings, especially when you are 'hurt or bothered' by something someone
said or did, is a true challenge. Yet, we have to develop the ability to be open and honest with one another without 'attacking'
the other person. If we don't develop this ability to communicate effectively and respectfully, we will have the tendency
to 'hide or bottle-up' our concerns and then our resentment builds. When we don't communicate openly and honestly we don't
achieve any type of resolution and the other person involved also doesn't get to 'grow and learn' from what has happened.
If we don't learn to share our feelings and struggles the bottom-line is........NO-ONE WINS!!!!!!!
- We have to also develop the ability to 'Assert' ourselves!
Many times we confuse being 'assertive' with being 'aggressive' and this is not the case at all. Being 'Assertive'
is developing the ability to not be afraid to address a situation that needs addressing. We have to learn to deal with things
face-to-face and not put them off. Learn to set and keep needed boundaries but also learn to 'address' the situation
if those boundaries are crossed. Folks we can't 'please' everyone......you just can't.....no matter what decision you make
someone is not going to be happy. We have to again learn and practice being assertive, holding and expressing our position without
attacking the other person or being disrespectful.
- Along with the ability to 'Express How we Feel and be Assertive' we also have to all have
the ability to 'Compromise'! One of the things/areas that cause us
the most stress many times is when we 'dig our heels' in and refuse to budge. We have a tendency to get so busy 'defending'
our postion; that we don't take the time to listen to others and examine if there is a way to 'flex/compromise' so all needs
could be met. Think about this and be honest.....How many of us have dug-in and defended something so hard and viciously that
when we got through it we realized that the 'effort' probably wasn't worth the 'result' we achieved. Next time you're in this
type of situation why not change your 'paradigm' and ask yourself how can I/we can create a 'win-win'
scenario from this situation. When you wear the hat of both people 'winning' you have a tendency to 'listen' more effectively.
When you listen more effectively, you understand the other person's point-of-view more thoroughly which in-turn
gives you the ability to 'Compromise', which normally produces a better
outcome/result......a 'Win-Win'!
- Last but not least we need to learn to be more effective 'Managing OUR Time'! The
ability to manage your time, schedule and tasks more effectively will greatly reduce the amount of 'resulting' stress you
incur. Ask yourself some questions about the things on your calendar and 'to-do' list: What will the affect of me not doing
this now or ever be? (Again, be honest in your assessment!) Ask yourself what are the truly 'VITAL, Life SUSTAINING'
things/areas in your life? We need to learn to focus on those; 'VITAL FEW'! Now again I can hear some of your excuses
all ready......I can hear them. (Remember, I taught for Franlkin-Covey for seven years and in my 20+ years of speaking to
corporate audiences I have taught a time management class well over 1500 times in my career.) I've heard ALL the excuses......I
have! Ask yourself..........If I miss this TV show, don't attend this meeting, or don't respond to this email or
answer the phone right now....is it 'REALLY' going to matter. Learn to take control of your time and not let it control YOU!
Once again I would like to bring our discussion
to a close by continuing the homework 'method' we introduced in our first post. Thinking of the 'Stressors in Your Life' and how you choose to deal with them, please
answer the following questions:
#1. Looking at the things that cause you
stress I would like you to examine: 'How can I Adjust or Change the
Situation (the Stressor)?' Looking at the list above, which of these 'Methods' could you employ to lessen the
stress in your personal and professional life? (Again be honest, look at your 'stressors' and then
look at each of the items listed above and continue doing some 'self-assessment'!.....Remember to not make excuses; why
it won't work and try to 'Look for solutions'!.....it can/will only help YOU!!!!!!!!)
#2. Again,
looking at the suggestions above: Why do we 'refuse or push-back' against some of these methods when we know implementing
them would probably lessen the current amount of 'stress' we feel and experience? (Once again,
honesty is the best policy.......you're not fooling anyone.......just do your best to be honest and candid.....that is what
'Authentic' people do!)
I hope our discussion today again sparked some internal dialogues and questions
for you to think about. As has been our concluding 'theme' in all our posts; one of the hardest things I believe any
of us can do is wrestle with the internal 'why we do what we do questions'. If we want to learn to 'Manage
our Stress' we will need to look at ourselves and then implement some of these suggestions. Remember; 'True
Authenticity' requires us to be deeply intuitive, look into our gut and make some hard 'self-assessments'. As I
have said before, I know this may be difficult, uncomfortable or painful, but I also know the effort
is worth it because of what/who we become through the journey!
Again be honest in your self-assessment and please, please write your thoughts
down. Have a great Wednesday and I'll be back on Friday with more 'tips/techniques'
on 'Managing Stress'. As always, thanks for listening/reading and remember to:
'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'
(If you are new to my 'blog' and have just joined us.....Welcome!
You have joined us as we are exploring the topic of Managing Stress. If you would like to 'catch-up' and connect
all the concepts I would suggest that you go into the 'archive' section and read the previous posts. The first
post on 'Managing Stress' was on Monday, April 19, 2010: This link should take you to that post: http://www.hollandmeads.com/2010.04.18_arch.html )
9:29 am edt
Monday, April 26, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Managing Stress' - Part 4I hope you had a great weekend and your Monday is proceeding well. Welcome
back to our Characteristics of Success theme where we have been tackling the forever 'hot' topic of: 'Managing Stress'! In our first post we took a look at 'potential stressors' we
may be currently facing in our lives, in our second we explored three different types of stress: 'Acute
Stress, Episodic Acute Stress and Chronic Stress' and thirdly we explored
some 'not-so-healthy' ways we might be currently dealing with our stress.
Those of you that are my 'faithful' blog readers, thank you but you know what I'm going to ask you next
don't you: Did you do it? As is standard in all my blog/posts, I gave you a homework assignment which had two questions.
The objective of the homework was to get you thinking about taking the 'stressors in your life' and then also think of some
of the 'un-healthy' ways we may currently be dealing with that stressor. Again, I really hope you took the time to answer
the two questions. The only way for any of us to learn and grow is to take our magnifying glass and look at our
lives deeply.....I hope you did......and for those that did, CONGRATULATIONS.....you won't regret it........you simply won't!
If you did the homework, I bet you were able to identify some 'methods' you currently employ
or have employed in the past that might be able to have been placed in the 'Not-So-Healthy'
category. Before we begin exploring some more 'productive' ways of handling our stress I would like to encourage in this
way: For those of you that were able to identify some 'Un-Healthy' ways you are dealing with your stress, please don't get too
'down-on-yourself' for what you've done. My friends, we are all meandering through the challenges that life affords and sometimes
are just trying to stay 'above-the-water' line. When any of us are deeply struggling with professional or personal life issues
sometimes we grab at any way or method we can to 'survive' the challenge. Most of us don't intentionally choose 'harmful'
methods to help us through the challenge but are left 'grasping' for anything that will keep us afloat.
If some of the methods you are currently employing might not be categorized in the 'healthy' category then this
is the perfect time to 'acknowledge' it and choose to do your best to make better decisions. Again, please realize that we
ALL, at times might make 'un-healthy' choices but the key is to regognize that and determine to make more appropriate choices
in the future. With those thoughts shared; let's begin looking at some methods/tips/techniques we can start to employ so we
are all better able to manage the 'stress' in our lives.
As
we begin exploring healthy ways of managing and coping with the daily stress in our work and personal life
there will be a challange we will ALL face with these suggestions......all the suggestions I will share over the next
few posts may require one thing from us .........TO CHANGE what we're doing! I think there are really two ways to
attack 'Managing Stress'; we can either choose to change the situation or change
your reaction.
Realize this; we all have a very 'unique' individual response
to stress. What stresses one person out of their mind doesn't bother the next person at all. With that said we need to understand
there is 'No-One-Size-Fits-All' approach when it comes to dealing with the stressors in our life. Just as what 'stresses'
one person out doesn't 'stress' the next person; A method or technique that helps one person, may not help another. There
won't be a single method that works for everyone and 'unfortunately' you'll have to experiment with different methods, strategies
or techniques that work for you and make you feel more calm and in control.
When we are 'stressed', we need to
make a conscious decision of which option to choose that will help us achieve the 'balance' and 'calmness' we are desparately
seeking. Here are some methods I would like to introduce and have you think about as you consider the 'stressors'
you face in your life: Dealing with
Stressful Situations requires us to either:
Change the situation:
Change your reaction;
* Elude or Escape the Stressor
* Accomodate, Conform or Reconcile
* Adjust or Change the Stressor *
Concede or Acknowledge
I realize that not all stress can be avoided, and I also know it’s not healthy to avoid situation(s)
that need addressed. I think however, we may all be be surprised by the number of stressors in our life that
we can eliminate or lessen by enlisting the right approach. Let's begin by exploring 'Stress Management Strategy #1 listed above: Elude or Escape the Stressor. Many times
we can 'Elude or Escape the Stressor' by practicing one of the following methods: - Just learn to say: 'NO'! We need to know our limits, set parameters and then stick to them relentlessly. We need to learn to refuse to
accept added responsibilities when we know in our heart we can't handle them. When we 'willingly or un-willingly' accept or
take-on more than we can handle; the result is 'stress'.
- Learn to avoid people who stress us out! Now I can hear some of you
saying......what?????? Folks, I know we sometimes can't 'eliminate' interacting with some of these people.....they may
be a boss or a relative...... but we can learn to 'limit' the amount of time we spend around them. Also depending on
the circumstances and/or situation; you may choose to end the relationship entirely.
- We need
to figure out: How to control our environment. If a particular activity
causes you stress find a way to eliminate that from your daily routine. If you never can seem to get out the door on time
in the morning; look for simple things you can do the night before that will lessen your morning tension.......stop making
excuses that there is 'NOTHING' you can do and learn to ask yourself better questions like: What can I do to lessen the stress
of_____________ in my daily life? Ask that question over and over again and see what creative ideas/ways your mind will produce.....then
take action on them!
- Try and avoid your 'hot button' topics.
If you have a particular 'life view' that you feel strongly about and others don't......why talk about it especially if it
causes you to experience 'stress'......find other less 'volitile' topics to talk about!
- Learn
to 'LIMIT' your 'To-Do' List. Can we be honest here........open your shirt and
look what's underneath........unless I'm wrong; if you don't see a 'BIG RED S'
on your chest you're not 'Superman'.......sorry.....I know that just
broke some of your bubbles. Folks we need to stop putting so much on our plates and learn to distinguish between the 'Truly Vital, must be done' and the 'other
stuff' that could be done'. We must put 'Non-Vital' tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom
of the list or maybe just eliminate them all together.
To bring our discussion to a close I want to continue our homework 'method' we introduced in our first post.
Thinking of the 'Stressors in Your
Life' and how you choose to deal with them please answer the following questions:
#1. Looking at the list above, which of these 'Methods' could you employ to lessen the stress
in your personal and professional life? (Again be honest, look at your 'stressors' and then look at
each of the items listed above and do some 'self-assessment'!.....Stop making excuses!.....Look for solutions!.....it can/will
only help YOU!!!!!!!!)
#2. Why do we 'refuse or push-back' against some of these methods when we know that by implementing them
we would probably lessen the current amount of 'stress' we feel and experience? (Once again,
honesty is the best policy.......you're not fooling yourself......you know why you 'push-back' and don't embrace methods that
may help you cope.....just be honest and candid.....that is what 'Authentic' people do!)
I hope our
discussion today again sparked some internal dialogues and questions for you to think about. As has been our concluding
'theme' in all our posts; one of the hardest things I believe any of us can do is wrestle with the internal 'why we do
what we do questions'. If we want to learn to 'Manage our Stress' we will need to look at
ourselves and then implement some of these suggestions
Remember; 'True Authenticity' requires us to be
deeply intuitive, look into our gut and make some hard 'self-assessments'. As I have said before, I know that going
to 'THAT PLACE' deep inside YOU may be difficult, uncomfortable and even painful, but I
also know the effort is worth it because of what/who we become through the journey!
Again be honest in your self-assessment
and please, please write your thoughts down. Have a great Monday and I'll be back
on Wednesday with more 'tips/techniques' on 'Managing Stress'. As always, thanks for
listening/reading and remember to:
'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'
(If you are new to my 'blog' and have just joined us.....Welcome! You have joined us a
few posts into exploring the topic of Managing Stress. If you would like to 'catch-up' and connect all the
concepts I would suggest that you go into the 'archive' section and read the previous posts. The first post
on 'Managing Stress' was on Monday, April 19, 2010: This link should take you to that post: http://www.hollandmeads.com/2010.04.18_arch.html )
9:46 am edt
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