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Friday, March 12, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Working Through Change' - Part 8On Wednesday we began to explore some steps/tips/techniques
we could employ to help us work through 'Change'. In the last seven posts we
have discussed and explored the following:
* We established that the ability to adapt and work through
change is a fundamental attribute of success.
* The five aspects of 'Loss' we face when going through 'Change'
are: Security, Competence, Relationships,
Sense of Direction and Territory.
* The four phases of Transition
are: Denial, Resistance, Exploration and Commitment'.
* The first three tips/techniques we can employ
to help us 'Survive and Thrive in Change' are:
1. Acknowledge or
Embrace the Past!
2. Learn to Forgive Yourself (and others)!
3. Create a Compelling Vision!
(If you are new to my 'blog' and just joining us.....Welcome!
You have joined us near the end of a lengthy discussion and exploration of 'Working through Change'. I would suggest that you go into the 'archive' section at the top of
this page and read the previous seven posts. I know that is a lot of reading.....but you have all weekend.  I really feel this will enable you to best understand and apply the suggestions we are now covering......just an idea.....thanks!)
On Wednesday I
gave you some questions to think about and answer involving the first three steps/tips listed above....... you knew by now
the question was coming didn't you.....didn't you.....oh come on, SMILE! Did you do it? Did you answer the questions,
I hope you did! 
Now today, I would like to explore step/tip
number four, which is:
4.
Be a Learner!
Now,
many of us think we are 'learners' but the truth is; we are not. Yes, we might take in a lot of information through reading,
videos, TV, radio, Pod-casts, the Internet, Etc. Etc. but there is a distinct difference between taking-in information
and 'learning'. Knowing 'about' something or having a 'general' knowledge of a concept is one thing; really knowing it (LEARNING
IT) is another. Learning, really learning something new takes a commitment of time, energy and a consistent, concerted
effort.
As we have discussed in previous posts; one of the reasons we struggle so much with letting go of
the past and embracing the future is because we are scared! We 'know' the past.....we have 'learned' and know how to 'survive'
there.....we don't necessarily know that about the future......we don't know what we need to learn to be successful there.....we
may have a sense of 'some' of the new things we have to learn, but we probably haven't grasped the whole scope and depth of
all the new things. Realizing how much we may need to learn is one of the contributing factors/reasons, why we are afraid
of the future.
We often wonder, during times of significant change if we have the skills and abilities
to make it in this 'new' world? Whether we are leaving an 'old' job and strarting a 'new' one.....or leaving a 'bad' relationship
to start a new......we are scared. We wonder professionally: Will the 'new' job be better? Can I do it effectively? What new
skills, abilities or resources will be required for me to succeed? What if I can't do it? What if I can't learn the new system
or culture. I know my old job, like the back of my hand........
The same is true when you venture
forth from a 'bad' relationship to being 'single'. What will it be like out there without a companion, I'll be lonely. Can
I make a living? Will I ever meet anyone else? Will they be 'better' than what I had in the previous relationship? How
do I meet 'new' people? Where do I 'move' to? How do I even begin extricating myself and starting over? What is 'speed'
dating or one of those 'compatability' web-sites like?.......And the list of questions may go on-and-on-and-on!
Do
you realize that at the basis or root of all these professional and personal concerns/fears listed above is this premise:
What will I need to LEARN, to cope and thrive in my future state?' We wonder: Do I have the abilities? Can
I 'learn' what I need to know? These are all very real questions that swirl around our heads......and quite frankly....overwhelm
many of us! They overwhelm many of us enough, to keep us where we are and un-willing to move forward. Many people never
leave an 'ill-fitting' job or relationship......they end up 'accepting' where they are and then make 'excuses' for
why they can't move forward. Folks I have been around people professionally and personally for a long time and have heard
every excuse imaginable. All these 'excuses' have as an underlying theme, 'fear' in our ability to 'LEARN' and cope with
a new and different future.
So with all this said; what can we do, to become a 'Learner', and in so-doing, calm
our fears and insecurities of the future. The following is a brainstorm type list of ideas, suggestions, tips, we
can implement to get the 'learning' ball moving......and realize this; when we start to learn.....we start to move forward!.....Let's go:
* Realize all the things you have learned in the
past, think of some of those things! Encourage YOURSELF, you can do it again!
* Stop being 'afraid' to fail.......you
didn't walk or talk all at once did you?
* Research, search for answers/suggestions.....the Internet is a wonderful
place to start.
* Go to your local library and check out a book on the subject.
* Ask friends or others
who know how to do what you need.....pick their brain....they would probably be happy to help.
* Talk with
an 'expert'.....they could reduce your learning curve time by large increments with their expertise.
* Don't take
on too much at once.......don't overwhelm yourself or you'll shut down.
* Break the learning into 'bite-size' pieces.......How
do you eat an Elephant....one bite at-a-time.
* Have your kids or friends 'quiz' you on what you're learning.....it
can be fun, educational for all and help your retention.
* Find the best 'time' of the day when you are the most
open to learning and schedule your 'study' time then.
* Find ways to 'make' learning fun....be creative.
* Refuse to quit.....be determined.....you CAN do it....YOU CAN!
* Build in small rewards for your efforts.....when
I get to this point, we'll go out for lunch......schedule something that is fun.
* When/if you get overwhelmed....step
back.....take a break.....but then get back to it, don't give-in to frustration.
* Make 'review' cards for yourself
that you can glance at in the elevator, waiting in line.....whenever you have a free minute.
* Remember to 'Visualize'
yourself achieving or learning......see yourself doing it.....don't give in to 'Negative' self-talk.
Over
the weekend I hope you will carve out the time to think about some of the ideas and suggestions shared above. (Maybe
write down some of your answers/thoughts!) I also hope you'll come up with additional ideas that will work for you. (If/when
you do, I would love to hear them. Drop me an email so I can learn too.) Again, the thing we need to realize is that
we ALL can learn new and different things. Sometimes we may be out of practice,....sometimes it may take us longer than it
used too......but we can do it.......WE CAN.
I will conclude with this story: Several months ago in one of
my 'posts' we discussed the importance of having 'Heroes' in your life. I shared about several of my heroes and one of those
was my mother. Mom turned 89 on March 5th of this year and is still learning. As a child growing up, my father worked at his
photography studio and mom worked full-time at home, as a mom. While my sister and I were growing up my mom never
worked outside the home, she was 'fulltime' always there for us. When I turned 16 my mom decided to venture into the 'outside'
working world and applied for a position at our local bank. My mom was over 50 years old at this time and had not worked outside
the home for over 22 years. (Do you think the 'working' world she was about to enter had changed since the last time she was
in it.......you bet it had!)
Mom applied for this position at the bank and low and behold....she go it! Now she
was in the 'outside the home' working world. As mom entered the working world of the bank she quickly realized she was surrounded
by men and women half her age, many of whom had college degrees. My mom had her high school diploma and had
been out of the 'professional' working world well over 20 plus years.
But that didn't stop my mom.....she
put her best business suits on and strolled into that bank determined to be successful. Failing was NOT an option for her.......did
she have to learn a 'ton' of new information....yes.....was it overwhelming....yes. But she was determined to be successful
and not let those 'youngsters' see her falter. Many, many nights for the first few years my mom brought work home to
do at night. I can remember after dinner, her going to the living room and having papers strewn all over the place and a calculator
going wild. She was GOING to learn how to do and master this.....failure and quitting was not an option.
You know
what is beautiful about this story......SHE DID IT! It took hard work and dedication but she learned new things and was very
successful. To this day she is on the computer learning something or reading about something.....reading a good book....or
doing something to keep her mind sharp and learning......if she can do it......YOU CAN TOO!
In Monday's post, we will continue our discussion and explore additional steps
we can use to navigate ourselves through this maze of Change. As always, until next time, thanks for listening/reading
and remember to:
'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Working Through Change' - Part 7On Monday we continued our exploration of the topic of 'Change'.
In the last six posts we have discussed and explored the following: The ability to adapt and work through
change as a fundamental attribute of success. The five aspects of 'Loss' we face when going through a change and
lastly we explored the four phases of Transition: Denial, Resistance, Exploration and Commitment'.
After we explored 'Commitment',
the fourth aspect of Transition on Monday I gave you
some questions to think about and answer over the next couple days.......Did you do it? I hope you did!
Today, I would like to share the first three steps we can implement that will help us 'Thrive
through-out the Change'. These steps are:
1. Acknowledge or Embrace
the Past!
2. Learn to Forgive Yourself (and others)!
3. Create a Compelling Vision!
Lets
begin!
1. Acknowledge or Embrace the Past!
Now I know for most of you this first step seems 'obvious' but we need to address and understand 'why' this
step is needed. As we have established throughout the last six posts; change takes energy.......and a lot of it.
The challenge for most of us is how much we struggle (Spend ENERGY) with an in-ability to let go of the past. Over
and over again we find our minds drifting back and re-living what is no longer around. We especially find ourselves doing
this when we are faced with some of the 'tough' pieces of our 'new reality'. During these times our tendency is to quickly
retreat to the past which is what we know and where we are to some extent, probably 'secure'. We 'romantisize' and spend
'nostalgic' moments on things that we know aren't coming back.
Now there is nothing wrong with doing this and spending
some time 're-visting' the past. It is quite natural and also a needed aspect of making it through the change. What we have
to have the ability to do is 'Celebrate' the past or sometimes just 'Let GO of the Past',
before we can move forward.
Let me explain the difference: First Celebrate.
When a work or personal situation that we interpret as 'Good' ends, either by someone else's choice or by ours,
we have to have the ability to 'Celebrate' before we can move forward. What I mean by 'Celebrate' is you have to
take some time and give yourself permission to 'enjoy' what you have experienced. Take a moment and write down all the good
things and moments that come to mind from this situation. Take some time, 're-live' them and smile. Realize what
YOU have become because of this experience and allow yourself to appreciate it.
There are 'other changes' where
for varied reasons, there isn't much to 'celebrate', in these moments we need to learn to just, 'Let
Go of the Past'! These are those changes in our lives that are 'gut' wrenching and in which we find it hard to cope.
During these times we need to learn to 'cut ourselves a break'. Try your best to not beat yourself up too bad......realize
this; we all make choices and decisions that in 'hindsight' might not have been the best. In-stead of getting frustrated and
angry with yourself, try your best use this as a 'lessons' learned time. Learn to look at the 'bright side':
Maybe, through what you've learned, you'll be able to 'adapt' more quickly in the future and maybe make 'different' choices
next time.
Just: 'LET IT GO!'......Stop reviewing and
rewinding and re-living it......'LET IT GO!'
2.
Learn to Forgive Yourself!
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful emotions
we have and deal with on a daily basis. Now all of us know people who hold a grudge and won't 'forgive' someone else when
they feel they have been 'wronged'.......we all have those people in our lives. The challenge for those people is their 'lack'
of forgiveness hurts themselves the most. They end up carrying around the 'I've BEEN Wronged' weight around their necks for
the rest of their lives.......these folks are hurting no-one other than themselves. They use a 'lack of forgiveness' and the
corresponding 'guilt' associated with it to try and control or manipulate the people involved......to make them somehow 'PAY'
for what has happened.
What is interesting about the above example is all of us know people like I described.....all
to well. For those of us that have experienced these types of people, we also understand how 'difficult' is to be around them
and ultimately to move forward. Many times we end up 'ignoring' the 'Big White Elephant' in the middle of the room when they're
around just because we are too tired and exasperated to 'fight-the-fight' with them anymore. Even though this type or person
is tremendously challenging and hard to deal with; there is a situation that is worse.......that is when WE refuse to 'Forgive'
Ourselves!
Let's be truthful, many times we are our own worst enemy. We beat ourselves up over and over and over
again over the very same mistake or choice we made. We can be 'ruthless' on ourselves. The verbal and mental abuse we hurl
at ourselves is relentless. We re-play the 'mistake/choice' in our minds and hearts, each time getting more and more
frustrated with ourselves. Truthfully we thought the person we described above was 'demeaning' (and they are!).......but we
are tremendously more 'self-demeaning! Let's face it, we are!
We have got to learn to 'Forgive' ourselves first
and then secondly, refuse to get 'sucked' into other people's needs to demean us, somehow 'prove' they were 'right'
and ultimately make us feel more beaten and abused. After we 'release' (forgive) ourselves we also need to quietly and
in our heart 'forgive' the other people. Their lack of forgiveness around you and this situation tells more about them than
it does about you so keep your head held high!
Once we have 'Celebrated or Let Go of the Past,
Forgiven Ourselves and Others'; then we can and need to embark on the third step:
3. Create a Compelling Vision!
There is a great verse in Proverbs that says:
'Where there is NO vision, the people perish!' That statement is so true in life but it is
especially true when we are dealing with a change. We have to consciously shift our minds away from the past......toward the
future. We have to begin to create a picture of what we want our 'future' state to look and feel like.
The only
way to accomplish this is to begin to be quiet and think about......picture the future state you want. Learn to create
a mental picture/image with smells, feelings, tastes, sounds. See yourself enjoying and experiencing this future......see
it......shut your eyes and feel it..... make the vision so compelling and so real that it impels you to move forward!
We all move toward our dominant thoughts.......that is the way our brains work.........why not make YOUR dominant
thoughts, YOUR VISION of YOUR FUTURE.....Make it COMPELLING and you will automatically begin to move towards it......you will!
I want to continue a 'practice' what I have
done through-out all six of the previous posts; I would like you to take some time and think about what we have
discussed today. Please continue to explore some of the 'recent' professional and personal changes that you have experienced
and examine them by answering the following questions about the three steps we have introduced today:
What do you need to 'Celebrate' about the past? Be specific?
Enjoy the process and smile!
What or who do you need to 'Let go of'? Again, be specific?
What are
some 'lessons' learned from the above situation?
What don't you want to 'repeat' again? Be specific.
Who
do you need to forgive? Realize that forgiveness is a choice YOU make.......not them.....they might choose to never, ever
forgive you.....that is their loss and problem, not yours. Just open your heart and let it go.....forgive them as an act of
your will.
Where do you need to 'forgive' yourself? Be specific.....where have you been repeatedly beating yourself
up over the situation?
Once you have listed the area(s) where you need to forgive yourself......put it to
rest and choose to STOP! You did your best, now free yourself emotionally so you can move forward.....LET IT GO! (and then
feel the release ans smile! )
What does your future state look like? Create a mental picture of what it looks like....describe it......what
does it feel like......write your answers down and create a compelling look into what you want to embrace in the future.....do
it!
Over the next two days please think about and answer these questions. I'll leave you today
with several quotes:
'If
you chase two rabbits, both will escape' - Unknown
"If you can’t live through adversity, you’ll
never be good at what you do. You have to live through the unfair things, and you have to develop the hide to not let it bother
you and keep your eyes focused on what you want!' - Maurice “Hank” Greenberg
'Keep focused on the substantive
issues. To make a decision means having to go through one door and closing all others. - Abraham Zaleznik
In Friday's post, we will continue our
discussion and explore additional steps we can use to navigate ourselves through this maze of Change.
As always, until next time, thanks for listening/reading and remember to:
'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'
11:44 am est
Monday, March 8, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Working Through Change' - Part 6On Friday we continued our exploration of the topic
of 'Change'. In the last five posts we focused on the importance of having the ability
to adapt and work through change as a fundamental attribute of success. So far we have examined the first
three phases of Transition: Denial, Resistance and in our last post
we introduced the third phase; 'Exploration'. We explained that
the best way to describe this phase is simply as, 'Chaos', it
is like a 'Bear' coming out of hibernation.
We gave the example of going in for a physical and the Doctor giving you
'bad news'. 'You need to lose 'X' amount of pounds, exercise, eat right, get plenty of rest and stop certain other 'un-healthy'
activities. Going into our appointment we all ready new some of the things we should have been doing for 'our health' and
we also had an 'idea' what the Doctor was going to say. We weren't surprised......yet we were too busy 'Denying
and Resisting' what we knew was the 'future' state. At the end of the appointment we came to the stark realization that we
needed to start 'Exploring' the things the Doctor suggested and now we are overwhelmed!
Once again, on
Friday I gave you some questions to think about and answer over the weekend.......Did you do it? I hope you did! 
The move through 'Resistance' and into and through 'Exploration' represent the most significant
challenges we'll face in dealing with Change. In Resistance we are using all of our energy 'holding onto the past' and that
fight is exhausting. When we decide to 'let go of the past' and embrace the new future we are again faced with 'expending'
a huge amount of energy. In 'Exporation' our energy is focused on 'embracing' the new future and 'catching up' with the many
things we should have been doing. (Remember, in Resistance we are so focused on 'fighting' against the new future
that when we do get to 'Exploring', we suddenly realize several things: #1. We should have been doing a lot of things a long
time ago to prepare for the future and #2. We now realize we are two laps down in a four lap race.)
Because
we find ourselves so far behind in the Exploration phase, we
now spend great amounts of mental and physical energy trying to catch-up and embrace this new future. As we 'fight' to
equip ourselves for this new reality, we often fight feelings of 'utter frustration'. As we are fighting, scratching,
clawing our way forward we suddenly start to realize how much time and energy we wasted in 'resistance' and also all
the things we 'should've' been doing to move forward. It is not uncommon at all to find ourselves saying: 'I should've
embraced the new change sooner and not fought against it so hard.'
(At this point all of us need to 'cut ourselves
a break'. Try your best to not beat yourself up too bad......realize this; we all do it and we all at some times in our
lives greatly struggle with some changes.....just try your best to recognize it and use it as a 'lessons' learned time.
Learn to look at the 'bright side': Maybe, through what you've learned, you'll be able to 'adapt' more quickly when you're
faced with the next change! ...... and oh by the way......that change is all ready on its way!)
Now for the 'Good News': Once we have fought our way through the 'Exploration' phase and have managed to 'catch-up', we
are now ready to enter the fourth phase: 'Commitment'. As we have done
with the other three phases; here are some words that may describe how we 'feel' or what we might 'say' as we finally enter
this phase, there will/may be:
* A 're-joining' of the team. A willingness
to work with others or engage back 'into life'; finally being/feeling OK will be evident and working with others or teamwork
will come to the fore-front.
* You will find yourself with a 'renewed' energy and/or activity level.
* You will also observe a 'clear' focus and/or plan that now starts to emerge.
As I have done
through-out all five previous posts; I would like you to take some time and think about what we have discussed today.
Please continue to explore some of the 'recent' professional and personal changes that you have experienced and examine them
by now thinking about moving into and embracing the 'Commitment' aspect
of transition.
Please think about these questions over the next day or two:
How
do you need to re-engage' back into life? Be specific? Where do you KNOW you have withdrawn and where do you now know you
need to re-engage?
Are there other people you need to make an effort to re-connect with; family members, friends,
work teammates, etc. etc?
What can you do to 're-connect' with them? How will you do it? What will or could be
a 'first' step? When will you take that 'first' step? Be specific!
How will you focus your new found energy or
activity toward the future? What specifically will you do? What action or steps could you take right now?
What
is your 'plan' for the future or at least what are some initial thoughts as to your 'future' plan.
What 'steps'
or things you should/could be doing to 'thrive' in your new reality?
After you have answered
and yes written down your thoughts......Above all else.........Do Something about it! Take Action! Harness your new found
energy. There is POWER in forward progress....make sure that as you answer the above questions, you also DO something about
it! If you're nervous, start with 'small' steps to get your momentum going forward......if you want to jump-start this process.....then
outline some 'BIG' steps/actions you will take and then take them immediately! You will never regret taking action and moving
yourself forward. By taking the action(s) YOU KNOW YOU need to take, you will be empowering YOURSELF and
embracing the change.....your new future state! Don't be scared.....there is power in forward movement.....why not experience
some advancement TODAY!
On Wednesday, we
will continue our discussion on the topic of Change and will start to explore some practical steps/tips that will help
us continue to 'Work Through Change' in our day-to-day lives. As always, until next time, thanks for listening/reading
and remember to:
'Dream
Big and Dare to Fail!'
10:23 am est
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