To send this 'blog/post' to others please click the
'Share' button below:
To view archived blog posts, click one of the dates below:
|
|
Friday, March 5, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Working Through Change' - Part 5On Wednesday we continued our exploration of the topic of 'Change'.
In the last four posts we focused on the importance of having the ability to adapt and work through change
as a fundamental attribute of success. We also discussed the 'Losses' we experience
when we go through personal or professional change and we introduced five 'Types of Loss' which
were:
* Security
* Competence
* Relationships
* Sense of Direction
*
Territory
Our exploration continued as we introduced the concept of 'Transition'
and established that this aspect of 'change' is one
of the biggest hurdles we have to go through and overcome. We introduced the four distinct phases
of 'Transition' we deal with which are: Denial, Resistance, Exploration and Commitment
and intially looked at the the first
two, Denial and Resistance.
On Wednesday I concluded
our thoughts with another 'homework' assignment.........You
knew I wouldn't forget........Did you do it?.....Did you? (I hope so!  )
Today I would like us to 'transition-through-the-transition'. What I mean is this: The first two aspects of 'Transition',
Denial and Resistance have as their focus 'holding on to the past'. During this time most of
us 'struggle' to some degree with the change whether we instituted it or it was 'forced' upon us. We cling to the past and
struggle to 'embrace' the future. Depending how bad we are struggling with the change our personal and professional productivity
are greatly impacted and diminished.
As I have alluded to in previous posts there is no 'rhyme nor reason' for
how much or little we struggle in the first two phases. Sometimes we spend very little time in 'Denial and Resistance'.....other
times we cycle back through these two areas, over and over and over again. Somehow we seem to get ourselves 'stuck' and can't
seem to get 'un-stuck' from this cycle. We go over the same things, information, feelings repeatedly searching for a
different answer, only to find the answer is still the same.....things are different....they've changed. We have all heard
this definition of 'Insantity'. 'Insanity is: Doing the same things over and over and over
again and expecting different results.'
By the above-definition, I'll bet we are all 'certifiably
insane'. Lets be honest, all of us at some point or another have gotten 'stuck' in this cycle, we all have and for a varied
amount of reasons. The challenge for us all is that you can't 'force' yourself through it, yes you can take steps that will
help you but the process still needs to unfold.....sometime quickly.....and other times pain-stakingly slow and might I add
very 'painful'.
Now whether time has done the work, we've seen the potential of the 'new future' or we just got
sick and tired, of being sick and tired....no matter what the reason, we all hopefully at some point or another, are ready
to look forward and start to 'embrace' the new situation and circumstances. When we reach that point where we can 'celebrate'
the past or just 'let go of it if need be'....when we reach that point, only then are we ready/able to honestly
move forward toward the future. At this stage we are ready for the second two aspects, Exploration
and Commitment. I want to spend the rest of our time today on the third phase of Transition, Exploration;
on Monday we'll tackle the fourth phase, Commitment.
In examining the third phase; the best way to describe
it is simply, 'Chaos', it is like a 'Bear' coming out of hibernation. Here
is what I mean: During Denial and Resistance we should be spending our time 'preparing' for the new future state, the change.
Instead of preparing we spend most of our time 'holding on to the past'. When we finally arrive at the place where we are
ready to take a 'stab' or look at this 'new future', we find ourselves behind the eight-ball. During this whole
time, when we should have been preparing and learning what we need to do to embrace and thrive in this new future, we
are caught with 'our guard down'......we aren't ready to cope with the future.
It is like going to the Doctor for
a physical and the Doctor gives you 'bad news'. 'You need to lose 'X' amount of pounds, exercise, eat right, get plenty of
rest and stop certain other 'un-healthy' activities. During this whole time before we went to the Doctor, we knew all the
things he was going to tell us....(We knew what the 'future' health state was suppossed to be.....we did!)......there were
'NO Surprises'......yet we didn't do any of the things we knew we should have been doing all the time......we were too busy 'Denying
and Resisting' them. Now we are faced with 'Exploring' all the things the Doctor suggested and we are overwhelmed; we don't
even know where to start. This is what I mean by 'Chaos and Hibernation'......we are flat overwhelmed.
Here
are some words that may describe how we 'feel' or what we might 'say' as we go into the 'Exploration' phase, there will/may
be:
* Over preparation
* Lots of new ideas
* Too much to do
* You
can't or have trouble 'focusing'
Now I would like you to take some time
and think about what we have discussed today. Please continue to explore some of the 'recent' professional and personal changes
that you have experienced and examine them by now thinking about the 'Exploration' aspect of transition.
Please think about these questions over the weekend:
Do you know 'steps' or things you should/could
be doing to 'deal' with, 'explore' or 'thrive' in your new reality? Do You? What are they?
If you haven't
taken these steps, why? Why do you continue to allow yourself to be stuck in resistance?
What are you afraid of?
Why haven't you done or started to do some of the things you know you need to do?....Be specific!
What
outside pressures, maybe from 'others' and their desires for you have kept you from moving forward? Why are you letting them
'CONTROL' your life? Are you really happy while you're doing this? Are YOU? Be Honest!
When will you have
the courage to live your life and embrace your future?....When?
What is 'NOT TAKING ACTION', costing
you emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually? Think about it and be specific.
What steps do YOU KNOW you
could take TODAY that would start the ball moving toward YOUR FUTURE STATE?
Why not 'Just Do It!'.......why not
just take some of the steps you know you need?
Why not face your fears in the face , call them what they are.......and
then determine to move forward and not look back!
Please take some time, think about ,and answer
the questions that apply to you......and please, write down you answers.....folks there is POWER in seeing your thoughts in
print. After you have answered the questions why not take the most important/critical step(s) of all.....Why not take some
action! Stop making excuses, stop trying to please everyone else and 'hang' lifelessly onto the past......it is
over.....now is the time to 'focus forward' and take massive amounts of action. By not taking the action(s) YOU KNOW YOU need
to take, you are hurting no one other than YOURSELF!
On Monday, we will continue our discussion
and explore the fourth phase of Transition, Commitment! As always, until next time, thanks for listening/reading
and remember to:
'Dream
Big and Dare to Fail!'
11:15 am est
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Working Through Change' - Part 4On Monday we continued our exploration of the topic of 'Change'.
In previous posts, we've established the importance of having the ability to adapt and work through change as a fundamental
attribute of success. In previous posts our discussion centered on the topic of the 'Losses'
we experience when we go through personal or professional change and we introduced five 'Types of Loss'
which were:
* Security
* Competence
* Relationships
* Sense of Direction
*
Territory
On Monday we introduced the concept of 'Transition' and established that this
aspect of 'change' is one of the biggest hurdles we have
to go through and overcome. We also began to discuss the four distinct phases of 'Transition' we deal
with which are: Denial, Resistance, Exploration and Commitment. We initially looked at the the first two, Denial
and Resistance in Monday's post and I gave you a 'homework' assignment.........did
you do it?.....Did you? (You knew I was going to ask.....didn't you? )
I wanted to spend some time today discussing the significance and grouping of the four aspects of 'Transition'.
It is no 'fluke' that the first two, Denial and Resistance and the second two, Exploration
and Commitment are grouped together. The grouping and separation of the first two (Denial and Resistance) and the second
two (Exploration and Commitment) is very distinct and important. Here's why; when we face a change, whether it was a
change that was forced on us or one of our choosing there is an interesting process that transpires.
When we face a
change we are 'challenged' with two different paradigms. The first paradigm involves the 'past' and what we are used to and
in many cases 'comfortable'. The second paradigm reflects the 'future' or new state we are entering. Again it makes no difference
whether the change was 'forced or chosen' we still are faced with a 'paradigm' shift. Yes, this shift may be a bit easier
if we have 'chosen' the change but we still have to face and go through this cycle none-the-less. Folks, even if we have 'chosen'
the change you and I both know there is still uncertainty about the future state, what it may hold/bring, and some lingering
doubt about leaving something we know and in which we also know how to survive and be 'comfortable'.
Denial and
resistance have as the focal point the past. That is why many of us 'struggle' so deeply when faced with a change, even one
we know is 'right for us' and we have instituted. As we established in previous posts, there is some level of 'comfort' even
in bad work or personal situations. That is why people continue in 'bad' working environments and continue in 'bad' relationships........at
least they 'know' what to expect and how to 'cope'. Now I know this sounds 'funny or odd' to some of you; yet all of
us including this writer have done this. I (and you) have not made certain 'needed' changes in our work and personal
lives because we were scared and in some strange way, 'comfortable' where we were currently! (We ALL have...just admit
it!  )
Why do we struggle with this? I think it is a natural part of all of us needing some 'things to hold-on too'......we
all need some basis of 'security' and something in which we can feel comfortable. Think about it this way; when you have had
a stressful day or week don't you just clamor for some 'stability'. Don't you look forward to certain things.......coming
to your home....your favorite chair.....getting out on your boat......taking a walk.....watching your favorite show......eating
your favorite meal........or being with some you love who understands you and your challenges......a person who knows just
what you need.....whether it be to listen, hold you, or join you in a glass of wine. (or Kentucky Champagne if you're
with me, sorry but that is an 'inside' joke for one of my readers. TAKAL !)
The point is this: When we are facing chaos and many times a significant change equals chaos, we all desparately
need something or someone to 'hold-on to or to grasp'. It is a part of human nature and part of us maintaining some sort of
personal/professional equilibrium. Remember, 'Transition' it is like being between 'trapezes'......there is nothing to
grasp.
One of the other factors that also impacts us as we go through this 'Transition' process is 'Fear of
the Future' and what that future holds. Even when change is perceived as positive and something we want or have initiated
we still have to battle at times with bouts of fear. Is it really going to be better at this other job?......If I leave this
relationship what if I can't find another suitable partner?......I'll be alone, is that what I want?.....Is the 'grass going
to be greener' on the other side?........Do I have the skills, abilities and energy to start over again....to start a
new job, relationship? Now the amount of 'fear' we feel and face may vary greatly from change-to-change and situation-to-situation.....but
it is still there......can you 'Hear-it?.....See-it?....Feel-it?....Can You? (I'll bet you can!)
Now I realize
that 'fear' plays an important role in our day-to-day lives and a certain amount of 'fear' is healthy. I'm not referring to
this kind of fear.......I'm talking about the fear that 'immobolizes' many of us and keeps us holding on to the past and not
willing to 'Explore' the future. It is the 'fear' that raises one excuse after another and enlarges the fears to unmanageable
proportions which serves to keep us in the status-quo and not able to move forward.
I heard a great
quote the other day that went something like this: 'Of all the fears I have had......probably
well over three-quarters of them never, ever, materialized.......looking back I realized all they did was 'paralyze'
me, and cause me to stay where I was, instead of me moving to where I needed and wanted to be!' I think
there is a lot of truth to that statement I think it goes along with this acronym about 'FEAR'.
FEAR
is:
* F - False
* E - Evidence
* A - Appearing
*
R - Real!
Think about that my friends......as you look back at your life......how many times
did you (and I) wrestle with so many 'fears' that kept us bound and tied to where we were......fears that petrified us and
kept us from moving forward......and how many times when we got through the situation we realized that many (over 3/4's) of
our 'fears' never materialized.
Here is a Great quote from Mark Twain: 'Twenty
years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the
bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover!'
The reason I have taken today to spend more time explaining and discussing the 'denial and resistance' portion of 'Transition'
is to help us all understand more fully and be able to grapple with the significance and power these stages hold over us all.
As we move through a change we have to learn to 'celebrate' the past, but turn our 'focus' and make a strategic effort
to embrace the future. Only by turning our attention to the 'future' (and letting go of the past with all its so-called,
'securities') can we ever effectively move forward. By learning not to fear or developing the ability to at least 'control'
our fears we will be equipping ourselves to move forward in life. We need to learn to stare fear in the face and push onward
to our future. Once we learn to 'celebrate' the past and then make a conscious effort to move forward, toward the
future, only then will will be able to enter the next phase, 'Exploration'.
As we conclude today I want to again
challenge you in this way. Thinking of a change you are going through: What is holding you back from being able to 'explore'
the future? What are your fears? What are you having trouble letting go? How are you 'glamorizing' the past, making it look
so nostalgic? What 'securities' are in the past? (Be specific!) What are your 'fears' about the future state? (Write them
all down....list them,.......and then stare them down!)
We all have the ability to make it through this transition
phase. It may be hard, we may have to fight like mad.....but we can do it! You have the strength, abilities and tenacity to
overcome your fears, embrace the future and 'explore' the wonderful possibilities life has to offer you right around the bend.
Please think about a change you're facing and answer and wrestle with the above-thoughts..... see what emerges .......go
on, give it a shot......it may just be the 'positive' step forward you need!
I'll leave you with this thought:
'Whatever you do, you
need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties
arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some
of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them!'
On Friday, I will tackle the last two phases of
transition; 'exploration and commitment'. As always, until next time, thanks for listening/reading and remember to:
'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'
11:36 am est
Monday, March 1, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Working Through Change' - Part 3On Friday we continued our exploration of the topic
of 'Change'. In previous posts, we've established the importance of having the ability to adapt and
work through change as a fundamental attribute of success. In our last post our discussion centered on the topic
of the 'Losses' we experience when we go through personal or professional change. We introduced
five 'Types of Loss' which were:
* Security
* Competence
*
Relationships
* Sense of Direction
*
Territory
I also gave you another 'Practical Application', a
homework assignment to work on over the weekend in relation to the above-mentioned losses. Now you know I have to ask........Did
you do it?.....Did you? If you didn't or are new to my blog then I would suggest you go back and read the previous two posts
and do the assignment(s). (Don't make excuses.......please
just do it!)
In our first thoughts on the topic of change we established the fact that one of the biggest
hurdles to overcome when facing any significant change is 'Transition'.
We also established that 'Transition' was
like being between trapezes. We had left the one trapeze and now we're wondering, if another trapeze was coming.......and
when/if it comes...... will we be able to 'hang on to it!'
In 'Transition' there are four distinct phases
we deal with which are: Denial, Resistance, Exploration and Commitment.
Now the first thing we need to realize is that there is 'no standard' to these four areas. What I mean by that is the
amount of time we spend in each and every phase of transition will vary from change-to-change, situation to situation. One
time we will seem to get 'stuck' in a particular area and not seem to be able to extricate ourselves. Sometimes we will move
through several of the phases 'quickly' only to get stuck and struggle in another area. Many times we will 'baffle' ourselves
by facing a very similar change to one we had dealt with before and we'll still end up struggling in the same areas or.......in completely
different areas that we didn't struggle in/with previously.
There is no 'rhyme or reason' for how quickly
or slowly we meander through this transition phase. It will vary and be influenced by many different reasons/aspects:
Some aspects have to do with the 'intricacies' of this particular change. Others are greatly influenced by 'secondary'
or 'outside' aspects that are occurring at the same time as we are going through the change. If you are trying
to come up with a 'formula' that will predict 'how
long you will stay in a particular phase or how much difficulty you'll have in a particular phase'
....GOOD LUCK!!!!!!.....You won't be able to do it.......this process is very emotional and can't be quantified, graphed or
plotted on an Excel spreadsheet.......unfortunately (Or fortunately, because it is this process that makes/develops who
we are as unique individuals!) you just have to 'wade' through it and that 'wading' process will vary quite distinctly
from 'change-to-change.'
I would like to spend the rest of our time today discussing the first two phases of transition; lets
look and explore: Denial and Resistance.
When we face a
significant 'personal or professional' change we knowingly or unknowingly enter the first phase: Denial. When we enter denial
we are dealing with the initial 'shock' of the change. (Yes, there is shock, even if we instituted or had an idea the change
was coming....there is still shock.) Here are some words that may describe how we 'feel' or what we might 'say' as we go into
the 'denial' phase, there will/may be:
* Numbness
* Apathy
* 'It'll
never last!'
As we continue dealing with the 'change' we move from 'denial to resistance'.
(Yes even if we 'implemented' the change or 'new' it was coming we still deal with 'resistance'........Remember in our last
post we talked about how even in bad or un-productive situations we still have a 'comfort' level. It is this 'comfort'
level that keep many, many people from having the courage to deal with and make a needed decision/change in their lives.) During
this time the emotions and struggles we face seem to get harder and be much deeper. We may/will start to do or exhibit
some of the following behaviors and feelings, we may:
* Withdraw from others
* Anger/arguments
* Physical weariness
* 'Gave it my all and now look what I get.'
Now I would like you to take some time and think about what we have discussed today. Please continue to explore some
of the 'recent' professional and personal changes that you have experienced and examine them by looking at the first two aspects
of transition; denial and resistance.
Think about these
questions: Have you made it through denial and resistance?....Or are you stuck?....If you're stuck; where are
you stuck?.....Why do you think you are stuck and struggling?.......How do you think you can 'move onward'? Really
take some time to 'wrestle' with these concepts and look inwardly to bring 'traction' to these phases on a deep, personal
level.....As I have said before....take the chance and explore these ideas to see what emerges.......go on......give
it a shot......it may just help you make a 'positive' step forward in your life!
On Wednesday I will tackle the
last two phases of transition; 'exploration and commitment'. As always, until next time, thanks for listening/reading and
remember to:
'Dream
Big and Dare to Fail!'
12:13 pm est
|
|
|
|
|
|
