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Friday, February 26, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Working Through Change' - Part 2On Wednesday we started exploring the topic of 'Change'.
We established the importance of having the ability to adapt and work through change as a fundamental attribute
of success. We also established that to achieve any level of success in life, one has to have either developed the
ability to 'work through change' or is in the process of developing the ability and skills! In our last post I gave you
a 'Practical Application', a homework assignment. Now you know I have to ask........Did you
do it?.....Did you? If you didn't or are new to my blog then I would suggest you go back and read Wednesday's post and do
the assignment. (Don't make excuses.......please just do it!)
Now, for those that did the assignment.....GREAT!!!!! I bet you found your answers/results
interesting. When you answered the 'feelings' question I bet there was an interesting trend.......I'll bet most
of the words you wrote down were 'negative' words. Now, I'm sure you had some 'positive' words like 'happy, excited,
encouraged, energized'.........however, I'll bet you had more and fairly 'strong negative' words, words like:
'overwhelmed, anxious, angry, frustrated, in despair, panic, lost, stressed. exhausted, alone, numb, weary, restless,
tired, in shock, dumb-founded, perplexed, in doubt, helpless, hopeless, exasperated, troubled, pained, not knowing where to
start'........and the list goes on and on.
The reason I make the above-mentioned assertion is because
those words are NOT my answers.......they're yours! I have conducted hundreds of change seminars over the last several
years and I ask all my audiences to respond to the questions I asked you to answer. I am amazed at the consistency of answers
I get from one group to the next. It is so consistent that I can 'recite' from memory the responses from the classes.
What is interesting is that it doesn't matter who the audience is or what 'business' they are in, whether they are focusing
on a 'personal or professional' change, it makes no difference.....the answers are 'eerily' the same......a whole lot of strong
'negative' words.
Why do we all struggle to some extent with change? I think the answer lies in this
thought: 'It feels like Linus, when his blanket is in the dryer.....there
is NOTHING to hold on to!' As funny as that statement seems, I think there is a lot of truth to it. We all
like and need some level of 'stability/security' in our lives......Change and especially big changes, like changing jobs,
loosing a job, leaving an unhealthy relationship, entering a new relationship, moving to a new city, loosing a friend
or family member, all create a 'lack of stability/security'.
Even if we 'know' that we are moving away from an
unhealthy relationship or an unhealthy work environment, it is still scary......there is uncertainty.....even though we may
be 'uncomfortable' in our present situation there still is 'security' in it and we often wonder......Is it going to be better
on the other side? Will I find a 'better' life companion, a 'better' job out there? As wacky as it sounds many people don't
make decisions to change because of the 'stability' of where they are.......they settle and say, 'At least I know what to
expect, am comfortable and know how to 'survive' where I am currently.'
One of the challenges we face
and why we struggle so deeply when dealing with change is that we fail to 'Recognize Loss'.
Lets get a common definition of 'change' and then we will explore the 'concept of loss'. I define change this way: Change occurs when something ends and something new or different starts. The period we
face between these two points is 'transition'. Transition can best be described as being between
'trapezes'......You've left the one trapeze and now you're hoping that another trapeze is coming, and when it comes,
that you can catch it and 'hold on'!
Even when change is positive, it's common to feel an ending or loss
associated with it. The challenge for all of us in this is: If we don't deal with the loss, we personally
can't move forward nor can we lead/help others move in the new direction! For us to be OK with moving
on, first we have to deal with the loss we are feeling. There are five types of 'Loss' I would like us to examine and they
are:
* Security - 'I don't know how the changes will impact
my role.'
* Competence- 'Will I be as competent with the
new systems, procedures, relationships, city, job, as I am with the current ones?'
*
Relationships - 'But I trust my co-workers, significant partner, friends and I know how to deal
with them.'
* Sense of Direction- 'What does this mean to
MY long-term direction, goals and focus of my life?'
* Territory
- 'But I know MY territory like the back of my hand and I like it that way.....I have my systems and processes.....Now, what
does my 'FUTURE' territory look like and will it be any better?'
We all deal with these five areas of
loss every time we make or have a significant change impact our lives. Whether the change is something we choose or was 'forced'
on us, it makes no difference. Now we might deal with certain aspects of these five types of loss more than others but
we will have to deal with all five in some manner, form and time. I want to conclude today's thoughts with another 'Practical
Application', a homework assignment I would like you to do.
In our last post I ask you to think
of a recent significant personal or professional change that you've experienced and to answer some questions. Now, I would
like you to think about the same 'change' but we're going to turn our focus on to the 'losses' we have experienced while dealing
with this change. (See, I told you in the last post to do your homework and write down your
answers.....now we're going to be referring to the same change and you didn't do Wednesday's homework........so you might
as well back track now and just do the last assignment.....just take the time and do it....write down your answers......and
then you can do this one! I know, I'm relentless, sorry! )
As you think about the personal and/or professional changes you have been through or are currently
going through, I would like you to answer the following and write down your answers:
*What areas of 'Loss' are you currently dealing with and trying to resolve internally? Be
specific.....think about each type....and look for ways these losses are manifesting themselves in your life.......Study each
area of loss and give yourself time to think and then capture your thoughts.
* Which areas of 'Loss'
are you really struggling to work through?.....Be honest and specific.....Why do you think you are struggling? What is it
about this particular change and this facet of 'loss' that is causing you to struggle.......fight through this till you come
up with an answer or answers.
* In order to move 'Forward': What can you do to deal with these areas
of loss and free yourself to 'move-onward'. How do you propose working through this area or areas and how might be the best
way to accomplish it? What do you need to 'concentrate on' or make as your 'future focus', to get through this time and
move yourself forward?
I realize the above questions might not have a one or two word
answer. You may really struggle hard trying to figure out, 'Why you're struggling so deeply?' You also may feel 'clueless'
as to how to move on and through this process. One thing you need to realize is that you are 'NOT ALONE'! If these things
were easy to work through all of us wouldn't struggle like we do when we are faced with significant 'life' changes. The
key is to try your best not to get frustrated or angry with yourself and your 'seemed' inability to move onward. Just
take it one step-at-a-time and some of the first steps are what I asked you to do in the last post and now in this one.......don't
get anxious....the answers will come and you'll be able to move forward.....it may take some time and effort and hard
decisions/choices.....but I know you can do it and I know the end result will be worth it!
As
you do the above exercise, sometime the answers will come fairly simply......other times, they will be pain-stakingly
hard. The first key is to be aware of these areas and then try to spend some time really thinking about them......honestly
and truthfully! In our next post I will continue to 'explore' the topic of 'Working through Change' and as we proceed,
I'll share some thoughts/tips that hopefully will help us all be better equipped to face and deal with our ever-changing worlds.
Now, please carve out some time to answer the questions above and please write your answers down. Maybe take a stab
at this several different times over the weekend and see how your thoughts and ideas continue to emerge.......go on......give
it a shot......who knows, it may just help you make a 'positive' step forward in your life!
As always, until next
time, thanks for listening/reading and remember to:
'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'"
4:47 am est
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Working Through Change' - Part 1Over the last six months we have been examining what I have called; 'Characteristics
of Success'. We have been exploring those attributes that when embraced, seem to allow some people to 'succeed', where other
people struggle. The next attribute I would like us to explore is one that we are ALL having to deal and cope with both
professionally and personally on a day-to-day basis........and that is 'CHANGE'!
There
is probably not a more universal challenge facing any and all of us today than this one element. It is everywhere, changes
at work, changes at home, changes in relationships, relationships ending, relationships beginning, children leaving the
'nest', children coming back to the 'nest'  , financial and economic changes, and the list goes on and on and on.....
Just pause for a second and
just look at the changes that you have undergone in your work-life.....think about it.....over the last year how many
're-structurings' have you been through......how many people have been laid off....how many of us have had to do 'more,
with less'......budget cuts......people leaving.....the amount of information you are dealing with on a daily basis from
email, cell phones, land-lines, meetings and the Internet......
If you just contemplate the 'work' changes you have faced in the
last year you are probably now 'exhausted'! (I wouldn't dare have you list all the 'personal' changes you may
have faced this same year; because if you couple the personal changes with all the work changes...... you would be
overwhelmed and not want to read-onward.......True????? I thought so.....now at-least, Smile!)
The
point of what I've shared, is to help us all realize the vastness and scope of changes we have experienced to one
degree or another over the last year or so. I've heard it best described this way: Permanent White Water! Both
professionally and personally our lives can be described and characterized by those words. A new paradigm has cascaded
over us all and we can no longer assume things will stay the same or that we can be 'successful' continuing to do things the
same way we've always done them.
Here is a great
quote from Alexander Graham Bell that I think summarizes very well what most of us experience when we face a professional
or personal change:
"When
one door closes, another opens; but we look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not SEE the one that
has opened for us."
For us to understand and be able to deal with
the 'changes' we are facing and to take the needed steps to 'survive and thrive' in these changes I think we have to spend
some time in 'Practical Application'. Here is what I would like you to do: Please get a piece of
paper and write down your answers.
(Now some of you will make the excuse that you're too busy and will just
try and 'answer' it in your head. If you choose to do it that way I will guarantee, that you will not find the exercise as
effective. There is 'POWER' in writing down your answers and then seeing them in print. If you are too busy now then just
'read it' but make a commitment to yourself that you'll re-visit it tonight and write down your answers then......please......the
benefit will be worth it.....I promise!)
OK, here we go: Think of a recent, significant personal
or professional change in your life. Once you have the change in mind honestly and candidly answer these questions:
* What feelings did you experience? (Make a list of all the 'feeling' words that come to mind......write
them ALL down!)
* What new things did you need to learn or do to make it through this time? (Again, list them ALL!)
* What could you or others have done differently to make the transition smoother? (Again, think, and list them
All!)
* If the change was 'handled' well, what was done by yourself or others to make it go well?
Now you might think this is an 'odd' time to conclude this post but that is what I'm going to do. Before I proceed
I want you to 'wrestle' with the above questions. Once you have thought about and answered them, I will come back
on Friday with more thoughts and insights. Once we have a 'sense' of what we experience when faced with vast amounts
of change, we will start to delve into the 'change process'. In later 'posts' we'll discuss and explore how
we can all learn to deal more effectively with the changes effecting our day-to-day lives.
Now, please carve out some time and 'write' down your answers to the above-outlined questions.....you'll
be glad you did!
As always, until next time, thanks for listening/reading and remember to:
'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'"
10:33 am est
Monday, February 22, 2010
Characteristics of Success - 'Learner's Spirit' - ConclusionOver the last five 'posts' we have been examining the characteristic/attribute of: 'Lifelong Learning or being a Lifelong Learner'. So far we have shared fourteen tips/techniques/ideas
that will enhance our ability to learn. The fourteen techniques/tips are below and you may want to refer
to the 'archived' section of this page to view the details and explanations. The fourteen tips we've introduced are:
#1. Keep Learning New Things!
#2. Keep Practicing the New Things/Skills
#3. Vary
Your Ways of Learning.
#4.
Become a Teacher of Something You've just Learned.
#5. Learn
to connect 'New Learning' with similar concepts all ready Learned.
#6.
Gain Practical Experience
#7. Stop trying to 'Remember' all
the Facts or Answers.
#8. Learn to Understand Your Best
'Learning Style'.
#9. Learn to Explore or Travel.
#10. Don’t or Stop Outsourcing Your Brain.
#11.
Develop and maintain a Wide Variety of Stimulating Friendships.
#12.
Take time to Laugh and Laugh Often.
#13. Don't
be afraid of Testing Yourself to Boost Your Learning
#14. We have
got to Stop Multitasking
As I shared in Friday's post I went to Ottawa Canada with two of my daughters on Saturday to visit and experience
their version of 'Winter Carnival' called 'Winterlude'. Today, I
would like to conclude this section on developing a 'Learner's Spirit'
by sharing some insights and photos from our trip.
Once we arrived in Ottawa we headed to one of the main areas of 'Winterlude'. In this area they have displays
of 'Ice Carvings' from ice sculpturs from all over the world. There was music playing, different areas with 'performers' to
watch, ice carvings everywhere you looked, fire pits to warm yourself and all the 'wonderful' food smells of any carnival
you've ever attended. One of the areas that was so neat was where they had small 'Ice Carvings' of animals
that small children could 'sit-on or ride'. You should have seen the faces of some of the little boys and girls in their 'snowsuits'
sitting on the carved ice. They were the definition of a picture is worth a thousand words. Their eyes were sparkling, cheeks
were rosey red and they were smiling from ear-to-ear.
This was one of the 'Ice Sculptures': It was a 'huge' twenty foot long dragon. When it was dusk, all the sculptures
were lit with wonderful lights that high-lighted the intricacies of their work. This particular 'dragon' at night was equipped
with actual 'fire-breathing' capabilities. Ever few minutes a huge flame would shoot out of the mouth that would extend outward
6 or 8 feet. It was so much fun watching it shoot out the flames and simultaneously hearing the audience gasp and applaud
at the same time.
This was one of the other carvings. I know this is hard to imagine from the photo but each of these carvings are about eight
feet high by four feet wide. Look at the small circles in the center of the left image; it is amazing to me how these artists
carve those types of details into 'Ice' and also how they assemble all the pieces and get them to hold and not fall apart.
There must have been 100 or so different carvings all around the area and there was a 'contest' and the top three carvings
were chosen and highlighted.
These are my two of my daughters that went on this trip, Sierra on the right and Mariah on the left. This was
a 'Winterlude' bench carved out of ice where you could sit for a 'photo' op......so of course we couldn't pass up the opportunity.
This was an 'ice carving' that was in the pavillion/DJ area and once again we couldn't resist another 'photo' op. It
was fun because this whole area had descriptive plaques next to each carving or area. All the descriptions were in both 'English
and French'. Both Sierra and Mariah are taking 'French' in school and it was so much fun having them read the 'French' words
and descriptions and then have them 'interpret' what they read for 'Dad'. It was great seeing them both work together
to read and interpret what was written and not just 'read' the English version.
Ottawa has the unique distinction of having the largest 'skating' rink in North America. There is a canal that
goes through downtown and in the Winter it is turned into a huge skating rink measuring 8.7 KM. There were thousands of people
'walking and skating' on the canal and the girls wanted to partake........So we rented skates and 'off they went'.
 Here they are!!!!!....I don't think we will be entering the Winter Olympics in any skating discipline in the near future but
they had a blast. When we 'ordered' our skates the girls did there best to speak in 'French' to the person at the rental hut.
It took a while but the attendant was a good sport and worked and helped them with specific words as needed. This was such
a beautiful moment as you had every type of person out on the canal. You had families skating together...... mom's and
dad's skating while pushing their children in sleighs......individaul parents skating with a child in a backpack along for
the ride....one of the great sights was a mom and dad skating while pulling their two children on plastic sleds.....the beauty
of this moment was the daughter, in her 'pink snow suit was fast a sleep on the sled.....you also had individuals skating
alone, people just walking and enjoying being outdoors.... to of course..... couples 'in-love' holding hands and skating
or walking together!!!
After 1 & 1/2 hours of skating the girls were famished.....and what better way to get your energy back than
eating a 'Beaver Tail'. Any of you who have ever been to a 'carnival or fair' have probably had 'fried dough'....this is the
Canadian version.......oh soooooooo yummy. Mariah and I had ours with Cinnamon and Sugar and Sierra had hers with Maple Syrup
dripping off it....does it get much better than that!
Of the 110 photos we took during our day......(Don't worry, I won't post them all......just a couple
more!) We did have one or two photos with Dad in the mix. Here Mariah and I are standing on the canal after skating.
This is a view looking down at the canal from the street above with the Ottawa city skyline in the background.
They lower the little 'Huts' down onto the canal for the winter. The huts house the ice skate rentals, bathrooms, warming
chalets, coffee and food shops and of course.......'The Beaver Tails' vendors.
We also went to another 'park' area that they had turned into a huge 'Winter Playground'. They had ice fishing,
snowshoeing, dog-sled rides, snow volleyball and three or four huge 'ice-sliding' areas. This is a shot of Mariah (in the
middle) whizzing down the slide.......and oh yes......they talked Dad into going down the huge 'family' slide with them. I
was in the middle and had one daughter on each arm as we cascaded out of control down the ice-shoot. No matter what your
age, there is a wonderful joy that comes with being outside and doing something fun as a family.
At the park there were all types of 'Characters' dressed-up and meeting the kids and families. Once Sierra
and Mariah saw this one 'Lady', of course they had to 'Strike a Pose' for one more 'photo op'.
I will post more photos on my Facebook Fan Page for 'Holland Meads Consulting' for those of you that would like to
see and experience more of our day. We had such a wonderful fun family day in Ottawa and created many 'life-long' memories.
We 'learned' about their culture and traditions, tried to speak and read as much 'French' as possible and ending up laughing
a whole lot.
On the way home both girls commented on how fun the day was and how they would like to make that a
yearly 'Meads' family outing. I guess I want to leave you with several thoughts. Realize that 'learning' is a lifelong process
and can be quite a lot of fun. I hope over the last several posts you have been challenged to continue your growth and learning. I
hope you have been challenged to find some 'new' ways to learn and most of all have experienced 'first hand', the joy of learning.
Thanks for sharing in our trip to 'Winterlude' in Ottawa.
As always, until next time, thanks
for listening/reading and remember to: 'Dream Big and Dare to Fail!'
11:12 am est
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